Dealing With My Grief

When I'm not working my day job, I usually have a camera in my hand taking pics of allkind, either jazz musicians or anything I find interesting on the street. Facebook reminded me that I took a picture of a homeless man 3 years ago. While the photography industry seems to look down on taking pictures of the homeless I look at them in the same light as children on the sindes of milk cartons. See, when I was 10, no one asked me then or even since then "Why haven't I gotten over my fathers death?" I think as we give children a pass as we give them a little more sympathy because they are the innocent victims of losing a loved one. As I reflect on this, I realize that I was living in the moment after my dad's death. I wasn't thinking about missing him when I was married of having children... I was only 10. I spent my time thinking about TOMORROW. That's all I could focus on... school, homework, TV, chores and playing (not necessarily in that order.) In that respect I think I'm fortunate. Homeless \people are not

I went through what I went through because God told me to go through it. - Allen Iverson Two weeks ago, I questioned why people do the some of the things that they do... like go to church. I theorized that this was done because someone (our parents, probably) took you church at an early age and you got baptized (or went through whatever right of initiation your church has). At some point you received the doctrine of your religion and that you were told that if you followed these teachings or this way of life, you would receive whatever the highest reward in that religion is... for Christians, this is heaven. I never questioned this, until I was 10. What did I or my father do to deserve the fate that he received? Nothing!! Why did this happen? Surely a just God would not intentionally let his people live a life of struggle and strife. As I pondered the quote by Allen Iverson referenced above, I must process the teachings of the church and see how it applies to me,. More importantly, if the central figure of Ch

Today I have a follow up conversation... a sort of health and welfare check with my good friend Shelby Forsythia.  Shelby Forsythia is the author of Permission to Grieve and podcast host of Coming Back: Conversations on Life After Loss. After the unexpected death of her mother in 2013, she became a “student of grief” and set out on a lifetime mission to explore the oft-misunderstood human experience of loss. Through her book, weekly podcasts, and one-on-one grief guidance, she helps grieving people find direction, get support, and cultivate radical self-compassion after devastating loss. Shelby is a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist®, Reiki Level II Practitioner, and Intuitive Grief Guide. Her work has been featured on Huffington Post, Bustle, and Optimal Living Daily. She currently lives in Chicago. Connect with Shelby: http://www.shelbyforsythia.com/   Get Permission to Grieve: Paperback - https://amzn.to/37b8Q4O Ebook - https://amzn.to/2rvXdXg Listen to my previous conversation with Shelby: http://

  With the deaths of several people in early August 2019 in the events that took place in El Paso, Texas and Dayton, Ohio, I reexamine my view on gun gun control and what different wys in which I think we as a society can make a difference when it comes to mass shootings. Are guns really the problem? Let me know your thoughts Subscribe to this podcast by using one of the following: Click here to subscribe via Apple Podcasts Click here to subscribe on Android Click here to subscribe via RSS Click here to subscribe on Spotify Contact me using any of following: email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief web - http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com voice/message - (240) 778-5200 Facebook - https://facebook.com/groups/dealingwithmygrief Instagram - https://instagram.com/dealingwithmygrief   Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

With children returning to school, how can we prepare schools to deal with children who've experienced loss over the summer? I've received some listener feedback from a lady whose husband has died over the summer and their child is returning to school in a few weeks. she'd like to know how best to prepare her child. In my opinion it's best to prepare the environment first. Here are just a few things that I would do: Contact the school an let them know the situation. You have experienced a loss in the family and your child may exhibit behaviors that are not usually associated with them. Discuss ways engage the child when this happens. Get students\school community involved. This could be a teachable moment for all involved. Students can learn that active grieving comes and goes I don't show "signs of grief" only in the immediate aftermath of the event. This is a perfect time to let the class know exactly how to support their grieving classmate. Let your child know that it's normal to grieve and whoto talk to

Today I welcome Alyssa Budinock to the podcast. Alyssa is a Kripalu yoga instructor, podcast host, and end-of-life doula in training. She lives in Rochester, New York with her fiance and their beloved dog Blue. Between 2017-2018 she experienced 5 significant losses in her family that ignited her deep curiosity in how people grieve, how they die, and how they live. She's a sucker for beautiful things like little streams, wildflowers, and garbage plates (it's a Rochester thing...). Today she feels the most alive when she's dancing like crazy, experimenting in the kitchen, walking through cemeteries or having intimate conversations with strangers, loved ones, or herself. Alyssa is dedicated to living from a place of love rather than fear, and discovering more and more of who she is each and every day. Connect with Alyssa here: https://www.gravedancers.net Subscribe to this podcast by using one of the following: Click here to subscribe via Apple Podcasts Click here to subscribe on Android Click here to subscribe

One of the things I don't say enough is that I don't have any formal training in grief. I am not a therapist, psychologist, or grief counselor. All I have is my many experiences of dealing with loss in my life, beginning with the death of my father. As I have so often stated, grief gives you an opportunity to learn more about yourself than you ever wanted to know. One must simply put aside their own biased opinion of what life "should" be like and confront the life they currently have. Examine one's self and ask the tough questions about how to move forward in grief. I have for walked the walk and talked talk... someone recently told me I have grief "street cred". I can only assume that this means I am not someone who simply talks about grief in the third person. I've actually lived through the experiences I talk about on a weekly basis. I seriously try to look at situations and scenarios that i experience and try to determine the best course of action to take. Do I always pick the best one? No... But I have

This past week I lost  a little faith in humanity. Let me explain. Early in July 2019 a person I served in the army with lost his son suddenly. Unfortunately, after spending so much money trying to keep his son alive, he need money for whatever final arrangements the decided upon for his son. So the reached out to family and friend on Facebook and started a fundraiser.  Well, someone decided that they would set up a fake page and solicit funds from those people who had already donated. A few people donated to this fake page before determining from family members that it wasn't legitimate. Now the family has to deal with the appropriate companies to resolve the situation as well as try to make arrangements for their son. Donors have to make sure they gave to the right page... it's a mess! There is a special place for those who prey on people in need. I hope they get caught and are prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Subscribe to this podcast by using one of the following: Click here to subscribe via

  This week, I have a conversation with Melissa Lynne. Melissa’s mother died in March 2014 and everything changed in that instant...her priorities, her career, her purpose and passion, her outlook on life and death. She crumbled into a heap under the blankets and shut out the world, where she stayed for almost a year. The thing that brought her back and kept her going was returning to the page, returning to the written word, returning to something that felt like life. The words came through her body and soul and heart and gut and quite literally saved her life. She wrote her way back to a life she needed and wanted to live. She resurfaced with a fearlessness to look grief head on and to feel all of it...the pain, the insanity, the beauty and love, the snotty tears on the shower floor or the shoulder of the kind stranger at the grocery store. She gave herself permission to grieve and trusted herself to feel anything that came. Today, Melissa’s grief lives in her body, in that place where love and creativity i

The internet makes finding answers to answers to any question you could possibly have very easy to find... just type your question, hit enter and in milliseconds you have more answers than you might ever imagined. When it comes to grief. looking for answers to questions such as how long will it hurt this much or what can I do to make the pain go away will give you various results that all worked for the people who wrote them. They may not work for you because even though there are similarities in how your loved ones died, everyone's grief story is a little different; maybe the dynamics around the support syste,s you have is completely different. The answers you get for Google and YouTube aren't really answers, but merely suggestions. A few weeks ago, I spoke with Dr. Sarah Neustadter who is a psychologists who works with clients that are working through their grief and she stated that even in her studies, she didn't really learn much about grief, but did learn things to help people deal with trauma. You can l

As I post this, I am in St. Louis... at my mom's house... finally going through her things. As I spent 13 hours in a car driving here, I had a lot of time to think about this process; how hard it might be and the emotions i would face as I tried to determine what I would keep for myself, what I might offer to others and what I woulkd just get red of entirely. It was difficult when I first got started but I decided it would be easier if I could establish a closer connection to mom while I was here. So I decided to change the linen on her bed and sleep in her room. It has been a very calming experience over the last few days... very calming emotionally. It has definitely taken the edge of what as been and emotional roller coaster. I have to also take time to thank my family and friends who have supported me through this process. I have not been the easiest person to reach or to talk to in fear of having to answer the question of when was I going to begin the process ofg cleaning out mom's house. They are a trul

Latasha James is the founder of James + Park, a digital marketing company based in Detroit. She is also a YouTube content creator and host of The Freelance Friday Podcast. Latasha talks candidly about the love she has for her father who became  homeless after her parents separated. She explains how forgiving him is helping her move forward in her grief. While he suffered with addiction to alcohol, she did as much as she could for him while he as alive and possibly even more after his passing. Visit the James+Park website: Listen to Latasha's podcast or watch her videos here. Subscribe to this podcast by using one of the following: Click here to subscribe via Apple Podcasts Click here to subscribe on Android Click here to subscribe via RSS Click here to subscribe on Spotify Contact me using any of following: email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief web - http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com voice/message - (240) 778-5200 Facebook - https://facebook.com/groups/deali

This week, I've been listening to a new podcast, 'Grieving Overdose Death' by Susan Claire. Susan is a listener to the podcast who decided it was time to tell her own lost story and to give a voice to others who like herself have lost a loved one to a drug overdose.   I have often said that if you have something to say, say it. You may not find support from the people you expected, but you will find support from the least likely of places... and your story with resonate with or even inspire others. Please find links to Susan's podcast below. Listen to Susan's podcast on Apple Podcasts Visit Susan's website Subscribe to this podcast by using one of the following: Click here to subscribe via Apple Podcasts Click here to subscribe on Android Click here to subscribe via RSS Click here to subscribe on Spotify Contact me using any of following: email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief web - http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com voice/message - (240) 778-5200 Facebook - h

Dr. Sarah Neustadter is a licensed psychologist based in Los Angeles, specializing in suicide prevention, loss, and grief, including those grieving the suicide of a loved one. She has over a decade of professional experience identifying and treating those at risk of suicide, especially teenagers. Sarah is passionate about helping others understand grief as an entryway into a deeper process of spiritual growth. She holds a bachelors degree from New York University’s Gallatin School for Individualized Study and a PhD in clinical and transpersonal psychology from the Institute of Transpersonal Psychology in Palo Alto, California. She is the author of Love You Like the Sky: Surviving the Suicide of a Beloved. You can learn more about Sarah here: http://www.sarahneustadter.com/. You can find her book on Amazon:  Love You Like the Sky: Surviving the Suicide of a Beloved. Subscribe to this podcast by using one of the following: Click here to subscribe via Apple Podcasts Click here to subscribe on Android Click here

This weekend I binge watched season 3 of the TV show Master Chef. The show is a competition for amateur cooks hosted by Gordon Ramsay (and other celebrity chefs) to determine who the best home cook for that season happens to be. The aspect of this particular season that had me glued to my TV was the fact that one of the contestants was blind. How could  someone without sight cook fancy meals in a short period of time? She had to rely on the senses she had: taste, smell, hearing and touch. And not focus on the one sense she didn't have... sight. Sometimes for me it's easy to get caught up on the things I don't have and not concentrate on using the things that I do have... that are often times right in front of me when it comes to coping with loss. It could be friends, family, or anything that is around me... I just lose focus on what I have and only concentrate on what's missing. Sometimes I need to shift my focus. Subscribe to this podcast by using one of the following: Click here to subscribe via Apple Podc

As the St. Louis Blues make a run at the Stanley Cup, the National Hockey League's (NHL) biggest prize, I took a moiment to look back at my time growing up in the city of St. Louis and my relationship - or lack thereof with hockey. Even though I am not the world's biggest hockey fan, I really want the Blues to win it all. Growing up I was (and still am) a huge St. Louis Cardinals baseball fan. Hockey on the other hand was something I only watched if there was nothing else on t watch. I might have even listened to a game on the radio if I was trying to go to sleep and just wanted some type of background noise. But I never was really invested in the outcome  of their games until now. When it comes to supporting the St. Louis Blues hockey team, there are the true supporters of the team that have suffered through 49 years of NHL playoff frustration... having teams lose earlier than expected, games that should have been won but were lost, some years of not making the playoffs at all. I am really excited for thos p

This past week - Memorial Day weekend here in the United States, I had a chance to finally meet Dr. Joshua Black of the Grief Dreams podcast (griefdreams.ca). I took him to Arlington National Cemetery and we watched the changing of the guard at the tomb of the Unknown Soldier. It was a very powerful experience. He happened to be in town to speak at a conference given by the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS). Our discussion focuses on the cemetery visit and how his fathere's death lead to the pursuit of his doctorate degree in psychology. For more information about TAPS, go to: https://www.taps.org/  For more grief related resources, please visit: http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com/grief-resources/ Subscribe to this podcast by using one of the following: Click here to subscribe via Apple Podcasts Click here to subscribe on Android Click here to subscribe via RSS Click here to subscribe on Spotify Contact me using any of following: email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com twitter - http://www.twit

As I think about things that I have to do to settle mom's estate, I realize that once I go through the rest of her personal effects, I will go through another huge wave of emotions. I'm not exactly sure what that looks like. That's part of the future of my grief journey. When I look back at where I started with the death of my father, I realize how far I've come. I know I can handle it. I know that grief will come and go. Some days will be fun and easy, and some days will be hard. I have learned this by looking back at the death of my father and realizing that I have come this far. I know that in the end, it'll all be OK. I know my past is currently helping the present portion of my grief journey cope.  Somehow, I'm fixated on the the future... and I shouldn't be. I need to let the anxiety of how I will feel finalizing some things go and live in the now, this current moment. I know that there will be other moments that will sting - like going back to visit St. Louis on future trips and not not seeing mom, or

As I was drinking a glass of wine (that turned into the whole bottle) on Mother's Day, I starting thinking about things that she would say to me in the form of unsolicited advice - specifically about people would would call themselves my friends but were only hanging out with me because I had a car. I didn't want to believe this to be true... after all I was simply becoming more popular as I got older. As it turned out, I got in trouble and lost access to the car for 30 days. With it my NEW so called friends disappeared. With the advent of social media we tend to block people whio say things that we don't want to hear - even in grief. I have a number of things that I need to take care of but have refused to do so because the emotional scars will be painful - but I have to get them done and the people who care for me have asked repeatedly about them. It's not that they want me to get over my mom's loss. They simply want my to move forward. While I don't want to hear the advice, it's something that I need to he

This week I had the honor of chatting with Dr. Joshua Black of the Grief Dreams podcast (griefdreams.ca) and Shelby Forsythia of the Coming Back podcast (shelbyforsythia.com/comingback) about the importance of Mother's Day and how those of us who have lost our mothers will cope in the absence of Mom.