Dealing With My Grief

As this podcast episode is being released on the anniversary of my father's death, I find myself being consumed by a different question than usual. When did I start my healing process? The answer... when the bleeding stopped! When I physically fall, sometimes bhe bleeding doesn't happen immediately. The blood and pain take a minute to be registered by my brain and they suually hit at the same time. At that point there is no denying what has happened. For that brief second while you are waiting for the blood to appear you wonder if there will be any blood and if so, how bad will it be. In grief when my father died and my mother and I walked into that store, I was in disbelief of what I saw. I couldn't beleive it was happening to me... itr took his funeral for it to really start to sink in that this was happening. But what about the healing... when and how does that happen? I had to realize that I could live on without my father. That is when the bleeding stopped. Once the bleeding stops only then can healing t

February 25 is a day my life change... yet again! On  this day my home caught fire in my living room and dining room. What the fire didn't destroy smoke and water damage did. After spending a month in a hotel, my family is now renting a house while out home is being repaired. They say it'll be 6-8 months to complete... did I mention hotel? During the month we spent in the hotel, we met many people - some who were staying long term for work and some who had suffered misfortune like my family were there because their homes were being repaired. After 2 weeks there, the COVID-19 virus began to hit the U.S. hard and we were afraid our hotel would close like many others and we'd be left looking for a place to live. As mentioned earlier, our insurance company came through and found a place to we could live until our home is done. But the virus... It has left us sheltered in place and I'm fortunate enough that I can work from home. So unlike many millions of people in the states, I am able to continue earning a livin

There are amazing people using different avenues to express and deal with grief... especially as it relates to children.  As someone who lost my father when I was a child, I look to spotlight organizations who are helping children deal in some way no matter how big or small with their loss. This week I have a conversation with Sarah Illiatovitch-Goldman Sarah works for the Auditorium Theatre in Chicago where she is is the Director of Hearts to Art Summer Camp - a performing arts program for young people 7-14 who have experienced the death of a parent. As an educator, Sarah has taught everywhere from Universities to Summer Camps, to Prisons to High Schools and beyond. She is a trauma informed practice provider and brings the philosophy of that practice to all of her work. Sarah is an internationally recognized playwright who has worked with some of the best theatre companies in Chicago including working on three plays by Pulitzer and Tony Award winning playwright, Tracy Letts. Though she is from Toronto, Ontar

People don't give us what we expect in grief because they don't know what we need... and often cases we don't tell them. Before we pass judgement on those around us, let us first take a step back and process what is going on around us and try to figure out exactly what's behind a persons actions and what we can do to help them hep us. Subscribe to this podcast by using one of the following: Click here to subscribe via Apple Podcasts Click here to subscribe on Android Click here to subscribe via RSS Click here to subscribe on Spotify Contact me using any of following: email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief web - http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com voice/message - (240) 778-5200 Facebook - https://facebook.com/groups/dealingwithmygrief Instagram - https://instagram.com/dealingwithmygrief  Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Sometimes we can't give grief the attention it deserves either because the magnitude of grief hasn't hit yet, or because there are other pressing needs that need our attention. When my father died. my mother's main focus as making sure our basic needs were met. There was no time to sit and reflect on the journey she would have to take in providing for a household as a single parent. conversely, it didn't hit me for 4 years that I would have go through certain aspects of life without my dad around. At 10 years old I only lived for the moment - school, chores and play. That was essentially my life. Even after my dad died, I lived for the moment. I never thought about the future... not until it hit me square in the face when I was 14. Subscribe to this podcast by using one of the following: Click here to subscribe via Apple Podcasts Click here to subscribe on Android Click here to subscribe via RSS Click here to subscribe on Spotify Contact me using any of following: email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com twi

I last saw my uncle in June of 2016. At the time he told me he had something for me but he had decided he'd wait and give it to me later. As it turned out, later would never come because he died 3 weeks later. Christmas of 2016 on a visit back to S. Louis, my aunt and cousin presented me with the item my uncle bequeathed to me... a Rolex DateJust watch. I was thrilled and nervous at the same time. I had never owned anything that expensive that I couldn't drive and I was afraid that somehow I would mess it up, maybe break it. Over the last year, that watch has become a way to establish a connection with my uncle. I think aabout how hard he worked and the many successes in life he had: he owned race horses and ran a successful daycare business. He was also there for my mother and me when we needed something like my school clothes or getting our car fix - anything that we needed in the moment. This watch reminds me of the essence of who he was and of who I can be. I would like to someday buy a Rolex of my own in

When my dad died, I was just a child t a new school trying to fit in... trying to be accepted by those who had barely known me for 5 months. And suddenly after his death I wanted to fit in even more so. I didn't want to bee seen as different. Even in high school, college, and the military I would hide that part of me that me me "different." I would become a chameleon and simply hide in plain sight. I would in some aspect become part of my environment and surroundings. I'd become just another face in the crowd. I had been hiding in plain sight until 4 years ago - that's when the Dealing With My Grief podcast was born. It started as a place for me to verbalized things I didn't feel that I could earlier in my life. I know had a space to analyze what I might tell my younger self as I went through specific experiences and emotions and what I might do differently. It has evolved into a space where others can share their stories and together we can realize we are not alone. This podcast is officially 4 years old. I

In October of 2011 I contracted a flesh eating bacteria while watching my son play baseball. Some believe I was bitten by a spider - probably a brown recluse.  To remove the dead tissue and ger ahead of the virus I underwent 4 surgeries over a 10 day period to make sure all infected tissue had been removed and that the virus/bacteria had been completely removed. But part of this process involved packing the wound after each surgery with a material that would head drain and keep the wound clean. It would then be taped to my leg until the next dressing change.  Changing the dressing was a challenge because the nurses would slowly rip the tape from my leg. which was still painful, but they would pull just a little and stop so it wouldn't hurt as bad then d a little more, then stop, followed by a little more. Eventually after 10-15 minutes, we would be through. After the tird surgery, I'd had enough. I just told them to rip the tape off all at once. I'd rather hurt once and get it over with than suffer for 15 min

Happy 2020! A new year, a new decade. As I mentioned previously, I have not been able to keep up the schedule for the podcast. I've been playing catch up with the other aspects of my life and just haven't been able to devote as much time to the podcast's production. Hopefully, that is all behind me now and I can get back to the regulaas schedule for the show. As I look back at 2019, I realize that it is the community I have found in grief and the relationships I've established that give me inspiration to have hope when things get difficult... when I fell lost and have no idea what my next move is. It is the conversation with those that have come on this podcast or you that have sent me an email, text or a post in the Dealing With My Grief Facebook group that inspire me to keep the faith... that community and having these conversations are important. Subscribe to this podcast by using one of the following: Click here to subscribe via Apple Podcasts Click here to subscribe on Android Click here to subscribe vi

I am focusing on making new traditions... or at least getting back to old ones this year. The last month and a half have been emotionally draining, mainly dealing with cleaning out my mom's house. Now that it's over, mentally I feel like I'm recovering at a decent pace. I've been able to start enjoying things I used to do with mom... like eating Cream of Wheat again which is something she made on Saturday mornings. I know Christmas is a hard time of year for some, but I'm happy my family will be receiving wine from me again after a two year hiatus. I'm grateful I can find joy during this holiday season. Merry Christmas (or whatever holiday you celebrate) - I hope you are able to find some happiness and joy, no matter how small it mat be during theis holiday season Subscribe to this podcast by using one of the following: Click here to subscribe via Apple Podcasts Click here to subscribe on Android Click here to subscribe via RSS Click here to subscribe on Spotify Contact me using any of following: email -

I have been AWOL 3 of the last 5 weeks. Putting the finishing touches on getting mom's house cleaned out was a bigger challenge than I thought it would be... and more emotional as well. I'm exhausted... I'm drained. I can take solace in the fact that Christmas is around the corner and I can visit homes where some of mom's things now reside. I am grateful for this. I didn't think that the house would mean so much to me. I'd only "lived" there for 2 years before I went off to discover and challenge life as a young adult. I'm still processing a few things, but hopefully the roughest part is behind me. Subscribe to this podcast by using one of the following: Click here to subscribe via Apple Podcasts Click here to subscribe on Android Click here to subscribe via RSS Click here to subscribe on Spotify Contact me using any of following: email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief web - http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com voice/message - (240) 778-5200 Facebook - https://fa

I realize I have been away from a few weeks... I'll talk about that in next week's episode. I spent the week before Thanksgiving 2019 finishing up cleaning out my mom's home for it's new tenants. It was an emotional experience to say the least. You can complete your holiday shopping on Amazon here: https://amzn.to/2OOJOCy Subscribe to this podcast by using one of the following: Click here to subscribe via Apple Podcasts Click here to subscribe on Android Click here to subscribe via RSS Click here to subscribe on Spotify Contact me using any of following: email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief web - http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com voice/message - (240) 778-5200 Facebook - https://facebook.com/groups/dealingwithmygrief Instagram - https://instagram.com/dealingwithmygrief  Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

A few weeks ago, the Washington Nationals celebrated their first World Series Championship by having a parade. While the entire city was happy and festive and celebrating with the team, I was not. In order to get to the World Series, the Nationals had to beat my home town team, the St. Louis Cardinals... and they beat them in convincing fashion, winning the best of seven series four games to none. They then went on to beat the Houston Astros for the championship. Suddenly, I thought of one person... Bryce Harper. Bryce Harper was the face of the Nationals franchise for a number of years. He was a kid phenom who could hit the cover off the ball and was supposed to help the Nationals win the series... except he didn't. Bryce harper's contract ended last season and instead of re-signing with the Nationals he instead signed with the rival Philadelphia Phillies. When asked how he felt about the Nationals as they progressed throught the playoffs he said he was happy for them.. he came up in the league with the orga

As the calendar tuns to November, I am reminded that this is National Children's Grief Awareness Month. As such I wanted to call attention to an organization that is helping children deal with grief. This is extremely important to me as I lost my father when I was 10. Rays of Hope Children’s Grief Centre is one of the only of its kind in the nation. It is a safe, neutral place for adolescents to do the work of grief. Children who have experienced loss due to death, separation, divorce, incarceration, deployment, or foster care are encouraged to participate. Through facilitated peer support groups, children share experiences, use creative arts as tools of expression, and acquire coping skills to work through the tough issues that accompany grief. Services are offered at no charge. Registration for programs and camps is required. The Rays of Hope staff and its trained volunteers facilitate the peer support groups, camps, and other programming. All of our offerings are facilitated by compassionate adults who gui

As I prepare for an annual photography gig I have in the next few weeks I am reminded of just how similar putting the pieces back together after losing someone is just like putting together a photo shoot. The event I'm photographing is an annual event I've done for 4 or 5 years now and even though it's different each year, there are certain elements that stay the same. The program is the same, put the speakers as well as the attendees are different. In grief there is sadness whenever someone dies, but the hurt is different because the relationship with each person who passes is different. Even if I try to mirror the same environment for photo sessions that I'd like to be the same, there are still subtle differences based on weather, location and other factors. Regardless of the situation, however, I'm constantly making adjustments to get the best pictures possible. In life as you try to get back to some sense of putting the pieces back together, how do you adjust to situations that have you spiraling out of c

I have been asked how I try to move forward as quickly after a loss. I have learned ho to compartmentalize things in my life. to put things into categories and not let them interact with other. But in theis episode of the podcast I come face to face with the fact that doesn't always work. Announcement: I have a new podcast coming out with the hosts of the Grief Dreams podcast call Grief Cafe where we will discuss grief related topics.  You can find it here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/grief-cafe/id1479286093 Subscribe to this podcast by using one of the following: Click here to subscribe via Apple Podcasts Click here to subscribe on Android Click here to subscribe via RSS Click here to subscribe on Spotify Contact me using any of following: email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief web - http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com voice/message - (240) 778-5200 Facebook - https://facebook.com/groups/dealingwithmygrief Instagram - https://instagram.com/dealingwith

Sometimes when we lose a friend we are driven to write a song about them. Rachel Leycroft began piano lessons at seven years old and found her voice through songwriting at thirteen. Her lyrics became her diary for expression and healing, rarely shared with anyone outside of her notebook pages & piano keys. Sixteen years later, upon the sudden death of a dear friend, she felt the undeniable need to bring a song to life in the recording studio for the first time. “Warrior” was written the day after her friend’s passing and she recorded the track as a gift to his daughter. The song honors his life and touches on universal feelings of grief. The experience sparked her desire to advocate for other areas of mental health through songwriting and gave her the most fitting reason to finally share her songs with the world. Despite the serious messages her lyrics often convey, she focuses her production style on creating an enchanting and bright experience for the listener. Her heart resides in the airwaves between

I have mentioned that I am also a photographer who mostly takes pictures of jazz musicians. One of the questions I am often asked is whether or not I play and instrument mysels. I simply say no. This is not entirely true... When I as in 5th grade, about 7 months before my dad died, he bought me a guitar and would take lessons after school. I continued to take lessons after he died until I entered hight school. Girls and cars were my new obsession. A few years ago I came across my old guitar at my mon's hous and it brought back memories, and I decided I wanted to play again. This old guitar was in bas shape so I decided to buy a new one and get back into teaching myself how to play... but it was hard... there were so many memoires that I've found it hard to get back into it. I've decided that this is something that I must do, because I enjoyed it too much. I just need to set aside time go get it done. Question: What is someting you used to do that you want to get back into doing? Announcement: I have a new pod

“I don’t think of all the misery, but of all the beauty that remains.” –Anne Frank This week marks the one year anniversary of my mothers death and as I have tried to figure out what I'm going to do on October 2 I am reminded of a question that comes up often in grief forums I belong to: How do you mark the time since your loved one's passing? For me, I don't... I can't - not if making the time means counting the days or the months since the day of their passing. That to me means that I have to actively think about and look forward to the next day or month and that never gives me time to move forward in my process. It makes me feel like I'k stuck in quicksand and the harder I fight to move forward, the more I get sucked in. I try to live life and just let the moments of grief happen, and deal with them as they come. I will concede l, however, that I do remember the yearly anniversary of their death. That to me is like an internal clock that is a reminder leading up to the events of their death. A reminder tha

What happens when a widow establishes a relationship with the hospice social worker responsible for making her husband as comfortable as during his final days? They create a game designed to allow people to have tough conversations around death and dying, course! LORI LoCICERO Lori LoCicero is a freelance writer and the co-creator of The Death Deck. A creative storyteller and eternal optimist, Lori combines her personal stories of loss with her innate sense of humor to write about life and talk about death. She has written and directed independent films, documentaries, and a variety of live gala events. Her upcoming memoir offers readers an intimate look at loss and her discovery of posttraumatic growth and was the catalyst for the creation of The Death Deck: a lively and humorous card game that inspires meaningful conversations on what matters most in our lives and in our deaths. LISA PAHL, LCSW Lisa Pahl is a Hospice Social Worker, ER Crisis Interventionist, and co-creator ofThe Death Deck. Lisa’s goal is t