Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

Boys today are struggling — with school, with purpose, with identity. At the same time, parents are being told that masculinity is toxic — or irrelevant. Are we accidentally raising a generation of young men who feel lost before they’ve even begun? And how do we raise boys who are strong, kind, and confident without making them feel like they’re not enough? In this episode, Justin and Kylie unpack one of the most provocative ideas in parenting boys: surplus value. Drawing on research from Richard Reeves, Scott Galloway, and David Gilmore, they explore why contribution and purpose matter so much for boys’ identity, how to frame it in a healthy way, and why ignoring it leaves our sons vulnerable to destructive alternatives. KEY POINTS Why boys often tie identity to what they contribute rather than just who they are. The difference between unconditional worth at home and purpose in the world. How “surplus value” is not about pressure, but about channeling natural drives

Is it ever safe to let your 11- or 12-year-old walk to the park, ride their bike, or visit a friend without you? For many parents, just the thought makes the stomach clench. But here’s the twist: the riskiest thing might be never letting kids take risks at all. In this episode, Justin and Kylie Coulson unpack the independence dilemma that defines modern parenting. You’ll hear why today is the safest time in history for children (despite our fears), how to balance risk and safety, and the practical steps that build confidence — in both kids and parents. KEY POINTS: The difference between danger and risk — and why it matters. Why 24/7 news and social media fuel parental anxiety. How staged independence builds resilience and confidence. The power of community connections in keeping kids safe. Teaching situational awareness instead of “stranger danger.” RESOURCES: More parenting resources at happyfamilies.com.au The Case For Risky Play in an Age of Overprotection [Artic

A viral trend called “FAFO parenting” is exploding on TikTok and even making headlines in the Wall Street Journal. Advocates say it’s the antidote to “soft” parenting — let kids fuss around and find out the hard way. But is this tough-love comeback really preparing kids for life or setting them up for harm? In this episode, Justin and Kylie unpack the hype, the dangers, and the research-backed alternative every parent needs to hear. In this episode: What FAFO (“Fuss Around and Find Out”) parenting actually looks like — and why it’s trending The three big claims FAFO parents make Why FAFO backfires The vital difference between natural consequences and manufactured hardships How “need-supportive parenting” builds resilience without breaking trust QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “Discipline isn’t about hurting kids to prove a point. It’s about problem-solving so they can discover the lesson.” RESOURCES MENTIONED Wall Str

One-on-one time transforms parent-child relationships, but finding that time can seem impossible. Discover the revolutionary monthly date system that's helping parents create deeper connections with each child—and why being truly present matters more than what you actually do together. Key Points: Monthly one-on-one dates based on birth date Importance of intentional planning vs spontaneous moments Value of side-by-side conversations Impact of being fully present vs autopilot parenting How structured time leads to deeper conversations Quote of the Episode: "The definition of love is bearing witness to one another's lives." Key Insights: Advance planning makes experiences more meaningful Side-by-side activities encourage natural conversation Removing distractions deepens connection Multiple possible futures reduce anxiety about paths Intentional time creates space for vulnerable conversations Resources Mentioned: Laura King's research on "best possible future self" Monthly birthday date system conce

Private school rankings are splashed across the headlines, and parents everywhere are left asking: Am I failing my child if I stay public? With fees soaring above $45,000 a year, the pressure is real — but what does the research actually say? In this episode, Justin and Kylie cut through the marketing hype to reveal what truly matters for your child’s learning and wellbeing — and why “better” doesn’t always mean what you think. KEY POINTS The truth about test scores What parents are really buying with high fees Why teachers matter more than facilities or class size The “proximity principle”: belonging, friendships, and community trump prestige How investing school fees differently could transform your child’s future QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “You can’t buy inspiration. It’s not about school fees — it’s about the teacher who lights up your child’s curiosity.” RESOURCES Research on school belonging (Kelly &am

How do you get kids to love reading in a world of screens and short attention spans? In this warm and practical conversation, Dr Justin Coulson sits down with one of Australia’s most beloved authors — and current Children’s Laureate — Sally Rippin. Together they explore why connection matters more than comprehension, how to support struggling readers, and the simple, joyful ways families can bring books back to life at home. You’ll hear: Why “all kids can be readers” (even reluctant ones) How neuroscience is changing the way we teach reading The role of modelling and family rituals in raising readers Why choice and curiosity keep kids engaged The surprising power of reading together — at any age QUOTE OF THE EPISODE“There’s no better way to help kids fall in love with reading than for them to fall in love with you while you read together.” – Dr Justin Coulson RESOURCES Sally Rippin, Australian Children’s Laureate Sally’s bo

What do you say to a child who’s lost multiple loved ones and now lies awake, terrified of death? In this deeply compassionate episode, Dr Justin and Kylie Coulson unpack why repeated loss can create overwhelming bedtime anxiety, why it peaks when the lights go out, and the simple, research-backed ways parents can help. You’ll learn how to create safety, connection, and rituals that bring comfort — without minimising their grief or making false promises. KEY POINTS Multiple losses and cumulative grief  Why bedtime can trigger fears Connection and presence over quick fixes or false assurances Following your child’s lead How to create closure for your child QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “What your child needs most isn’t for their fear to disappear — it’s to feel truly seen and understood in it.” – Dr Justin Coulson RESOURCES Understanding Grief in Children - Sage Journals Studies on the default mode network and bedtime anxiety Helping Kids Cope with Gri

Your child says, “I want to quit.” Soccer. Piano. Swimming. Art. Should you let them? There’s a magic confidence threshold in every skill - and most kids give up just before they reach it. In this episode, Dr Justin and Kylie Coulson unpack why kids quit, the role of motivation and relationships, and how to help them push through frustration without forcing them into misery. You’ll learn how to balance empathy with encouragement so your child develops grit, resilience, and the joy of mastery. KEY POINTS Every skill has a “confidence threshold” — the point where hard work starts to feel rewarding. Kids often want to quit in the “valley” before reaching this threshold. Motivation matters: autonomy and relationships increase persistence. Plateaus in progress are normal and often occur right before breakthroughs. Distress tolerance is a life skill - avoiding discomfort robs kids of resilience-building experiences. Angela Duckworth’s “Don’t

Screens often get a bad rap — and for good reason. But what if the problem isn’t the technology itself, but how we use it? In this heartwarming episode, Justin and Kylie share two powerful reminders: first, how intentional screen use (like FaceTiming with grandparents) can boost connection, vocabulary, and joy for kids; and second, why the “little moments” in family life are actually the big ones. KEY POINTS Why screens aren’t the enemy when used with purpose. Real-life example: FaceTime as a bridge between grandparents and grandkids. How small daily interactions (smiles, greetings, cuddles) create deep bonds. The research-backed link between physical touch and team success — and why it matters for families. The importance of slowing down to cherish moments, even in busy weeks. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE "The little things actually are the big things." RESOURCES MENTIONED Happy Families resources: happyfamilies.com.au ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Use technology like a toothbru

Half of Aussie kids say they’ve been bullied in the past year — and for some, it’s relentless. If your child is caught in the middle of it, you can feel powerless, worried, and desperate for answers. In this powerful conversation, Professor Donna Cross shares a simple but life-changing 4-step approach to help your child feel heard, supported, and in control — plus what to try when you’ve “done it all” and nothing changes. You’ll learn: The hidden signs your child is struggling (and what not to miss) Why face-to-face bullying is still more common than cyberbullying The LATE model — a simple framework to guide every conversation Why walking or sitting side-by-side helps kids open up How to help when the bullying won’t stop — even after trying everything When changing schools is worth considering (and how to make it work)   QUOTE OF THE EPISODE "Don’t take the wheel — take the ride. Let your child lead the conversation so they k

Bullying doesn’t just hurt feelings — it can rewire a child’s brain. In this powerful conversation for No Bullying Week, I speak with Professor Donna Cross, one of Australia’s leading bullying experts, about the profound short- and long-term impacts of bullying, why some children are targeted, and the surprising protective factors that can help shield kids from harm. You’ll learn what’s really going on in the minds of both bullies and their targets — and how parents can build a network of support that keeps kids safer at school and online. KEY POINTS Bullying can trigger long-term neurological and genetic changes through repeated stress responses. Effects can be similar to those seen in children experiencing abuse. High-risk factors for being bullied include loneliness, visible differences, lack of supportive bystanders, and not being well known or liked by teachers. Protective factors include multiple friendship groups, strong peer relationships, a culture of kindn

How do you talk to your child about a terminal illness in the family? What if it’s not your family, but your best friend's—and you want to support both their kids and your own? In today’s heart-wrenching episode, Justin and Kylie tackle one of the toughest parenting challenges: helping children navigate the looming death of a loved one. With compassion, honesty, and practical wisdom, they share how to approach these conversations—and how to show up when words aren’t enough. KEY POINTS: Be honest with children in age-appropriate ways—truth helps, secrecy hurts. Children need predictability: keep routines and rituals where possible. Acknowledge emotions—yours and theirs. Say “I feel sad too.” When supporting a grieving friend, show up practically. Don’t ask, just do. Teach your child how to be a caring friend: “I don’t know what to say, but I care about you.” Offer your home as a safe place for affected children to rest and just be k

Most of us think we know what to do when our child is being bullied—stand up to the bully, teach resilience, demand punishment. But what if those responses are making things worse? In this No Bullying Week episode, Justin and Kylie bust the myths around bullying and offer counterintuitive, compassionate, and powerful alternatives. Discover what actually works to support kids being bullied—and how to raise kids who don’t become bullies in the first place. KEY POINTS: If Your Child Is Being Bullied: Stop telling kids to “stand up” to bullies. This victim-blaming advice ignores power dynamics and often escalates harm. Avoid framing bullying as “character-building” or a “resilience opportunity.” Bullying is trauma. It’s not a test of toughness. Don’t demand punishment. Zero-tolerance and “make them pay” approaches often backfire. The system needs repair—not retribution. To Prevent Your Child from Bullying: Watch for “dom

When your child is struggling, do you ever feel like you should know exactly what to say—but you don’t? In this episode, we explore the parenting pressure to fix our kids’ problems... and why sometimes, the best thing we can do is just pick up the phone and listen. Plus: the surprising milestone we celebrated this week and why your relationship deserves a party too. KEY POINTS Kids often expect parents to know what to do—but we don’t always have the answers.  A powerful reminder: our kids don’t need perfect words—they just need us to show up. Building community makes it easier to hold the line with tricky issues like phones. Why celebrating your marriage or partnership (even obscure milestones!) is crucial for a strong family. Love and presence matter more than parenting “perfection.” QUOTE OF THE EPISODE  "I didn’t say anything wise. I didn’t make anything better. I didn’t do emotion coaching or problem-solving. I just

Feeling like your child is glued to their screen - and spiralling? You're not imagining it. A brand-new meta-analysis of nearly 300,000 kids reveals something alarming: screen time isn't just a symptom of emotional struggles… it’s making them worse. In this Doctor’s Desk deep dive, Dr Justin Coulson breaks down the research and shares three critical parenting strategies that can break the cycle. KEY POINTS A meta-analysis of 117 studies (292,739 kids!) shows screen use leads to increased emotional and behavioural problems—and kids who are already struggling are more likely to turn to screens. Gaming has the most harmful effects, especially when time limits are exceeded. There’s a reciprocal relationship between screen use and emotional struggles—each one fuels the other. The screen trap is real—even highly self-aware adults get caught. The key isn’t blame or punishment—it’s collaboration, connection, and compassion. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE "We need

Nine hours a day. That’s how long Aussie teens are spending on recreational screens. But what does this mean for their development—and should parents panic? In this confronting but practical conversation, Dr Justin Coulson is joined by Dr Brad Marshall, clinical psychologist and researcher, to unpack Australia’s biggest study to date on screen overuse and gaming disorder in kids. Together, they explore what the data shows, what it means for families, and what you should (and shouldn’t!) do if screen use has taken over your home. KEY POINTS New research shows 9 hours/day of screen time for high schoolers and 6 for primary kids—just for fun, not school. Around 5% of kids show signs of clinical or subclinical gaming disorder. 10% show signs of smartphone addiction. Significant developmental impacts were found across emotional, behavioural, educational, and physical domains. These issues start in primary school, not just during adolescence. It's not about banning screens but about h

“My daughter says she doesn’t like being alone with her thoughts at night… so she plays music to drown them out.” In this episode of the Happy Families podcast, we explore a powerful listener question from a mum worried about her anxious child using music as a form of avoidance. Is it helpful? Harmful? And what can we do instead? We unpack the fine line between healthy distraction and long-term avoidance - and share tools to help your child build emotional strength, even in the dark. KEY POINTS Avoidance can reinforce anxiety - but sometimes, gentle avoidance is okay Music can be an effective short-term tool, but shouldn't become the only coping mechanism The risks of long-term distraction at bedtime (poor sleep, more anxiety) Strategies to help: Essential oils (yes, really—there’s research!) Gratitude practices before sleep Thought downloads/journaling to ease mental clutter Default Mode Network activity and its role in rumination Gradual tolerance toolkit—movin

Are we really setting our kids up for success in the real world? From burnt spaghetti to budgeting fails, this episode dives into the seven critical life skills every parent should teach their child before they fly the nest — unless you want them boomeranging back! This is the essential parenting checklist for raising capable, confident, and independent adults. KEY POINTS Get Organised & Be ProductiveTeens need to know how to manage time, set alarms, prioritise, and follow through on responsibilities — no one else is going to do it for them. Keep a Tidy House & Maintain HygieneBasic cleaning and personal hygiene habits matter. No one wants to live with (or date) someone who never cleans the bathroom. Cook Three Basic MealsTwo-minute noodles don't count! Being able to whip up three decent meals is a non-negotiable adulting skill. Research & Make Informed DecisionsFrom phone plans to uni courses, help your teen learn how to ask questions, compare options, and confidently choose what's r

Would you get out of bed at 2:30am to drive your teen to Work Experience with horses? In this episode of I’ll Do Better Tomorrow, we share the parenting wins, fails, and funny moments from our week - including freezing mornings, heartfelt messages from listeners, and a couple of one-star reviews that left us speechless (almost). Also, Justin’s withdrawal from the Tour de France and unexpected fame in a shopping centre. From meaningful feedback on tricky conversations to tackling criticism with humour, this episode is about showing up, trying hard, and staying connected. KEY POINTS Supporting your teen’s passion… even when it starts at 3am Listener feedback about Sunday tricky conversations with kids What it’s like being recognised from Parental Guidance How to handle negative podcast reviews with grace and humour The reality of not being everyone’s flavour - and why that’s okay QUOTE OF THE EPISODE "We're not going to be everybody's favourite fruit. And that's oka

Ever been halfway through a parenting reel thinking *“Oh wow, this is gold”… only to realise it’s actually terrible advice dressed up with pretty music and a pastel background? We’ve been there too. In today’s episode, Justin and Kylie unpack six pieces of popular parenting advice they’re choosing to ignore forever—and why you should too. From controlled crying to timeouts, “spoiling” kids with love, and the classic “just ignore the tantrum” strategy, we’re calling out the myths that sound helpful but harm connection. This episode is your permission slip to parent with heart, not hacks. KEY POINTS: Controlled crying is not independence training — It misunderstands attachment and ignores babies’ real needs. Timeouts don’t teach, they isolate — Punishment in disguise erodes trust and connection. Responsiveness isn’t spoiling — Kids thrive when we tune in, not tune out. Ignoring tantrums doesn