School Of Schlock

Who do you call when earthquakes are threatening to destroy the planet? Apparently you call some bland seismologists and a whole bunch of stock footage, if this Fred F. Sears snooze-fest is to be believed. Join Tom and Ryan as they watch a film about falling rocks, women abandoning successful careers to get married, and a whole lot of Element 112. Try to contain your violent reactions as we review The Night the World Exploded!     Episode Time Stamps   0:03:50 - Film Summary   0:24:44 - Film Background    0:41:51 - The Good   0:53:30 - The Bad   1:06:38 - The Ugly   1:20:00 - Improving the Film

The name "Sidney Pink" elicits reactions from nearly everyone; those reactions usually include "Huh?" "Who's that?" and "What are you talking about?" That's why we're on the second film in our Sidney Pink block: Journey to the Seventh Planet! Come listen to Tom and Ryan discuss one-eyed ferrets, imaginary women (and the men who love them), and of course petty, sentient brain-creatures! Join us and I'm sure you'll agree: we'll find our love somewhere beyond the seventh planet.     Episode Time Stamps   0:03:17 - Film Summary   0:25:31 - Film Background    0:40:02 - The Good   0:44:28 - The Bad   1:00:15 - The Ugly   1:15:05 - Improving the Film

Icons of Danish culture include Hamlet, Hans Christian Andersen, and Soren Kierkegaard. Well finally, Tom and Ryan are happy to welcome a giant prehistoric reptile to the ranks of Danish superstardom in a 1960s monster movie that comes straight from Scandinavia! Thrill as they discuss Danish amusement parks, Dustin Hoffman, aimless scientific experiments, and the worst example of farmer-eating ever! Whether you're taking in the film, the new MST3K episode, or the smutty novelization, you're sure to enjoy Reptilicus!     Episode Time Stamps   0:02:47 - Film Summary   0:33:19 - Film Background    0:58:28 - The Good   1:06:24 - The Bad   1:21:26 - The Ugly   1:36:31 - Improving the Film

A rogue pilot and a mystical lightsaber-wielding warrior team up to fight against a planet-sized, galaxy-threatening evil! No, it's not A New Hope. And no, it's not The Force Awakens. It's a film that's more like the ADD-diagnosed version of Star Wars. It's a film with omniscient characters, Southwestern robots, and David Hasselhoff. It's a film that stops the flow of time. It's...Starcrash!     Episode Time Stamps   0:03:00 - Film Summary   0:32:43 - Film Background    0:58:45 - The Good   1:03:30 - The Bad   1:08:55 - The Ugly   1:38:31 - Improving the Film

When people from the 1980s get sucked into a transdimensional teleporter and wind up in another world, it's up to Tom and Ryan to watch them slowly try to escape! Will a balding warlord stand in their way? How does Battlestar Galactica relate to all of this? Would a Memento-like version of this film be better? And what about the watch??? We attempt to answer all of these questions when we discuss Prisoners of the Lost Universe!     Episode Time Stamps   0:03:14 - Film Summary   0:27:23 - Film Background    0:38:50 - The Good   0:46:20 - The Bad   1:02:32 - The Ugly   1:20:27 - Improving the Film

The Earth is about to be destroyed by a doomsday machine, and it's up to a few remaining humans to go into space to escape! It's also up to Tom and Ryan to suffer through this painfully dull film. Listen in as they discuss death via airlock, interplanetary narrators, and the best way to get your grandma out of the gulag. Keep Khrushchev on speed-dial, because we're talking about The Doomsday Machine!     Episode Time Stamps   0:03:17 - Film Summary   0:23:52 - Film Background    0:45:50 - The Good   0:50:05 - The Bad   1:04:10 - The Ugly   1:25:35 - Improving the Film

How does a sexploitation film stack up against our usual B-movie fare? What exactly does "nudie-cutie" mean? How common is it for men to transform into dogs? Tom and Ryan search for the answers to these questions and many more in Dr. Sex, a film about exactly what you would expect: mannequins, ghosts, and abstract art!     Episode Time Stamps   0:03:40 - Film Summary   0:21:07 - Film Background    0:41:38 - The Good   0:50:14 - The Bad   0:58:41 - The Ugly 1:20:25 - Improving the Film   1:26:55 - Email

It's the second film in our Roger Corman comedy-horror block! This time a vicious sea monster is out to kill some criminals smuggling Cuban treasure into the United States--and you thought the Bay of Pigs was bad! Put your ear to the door and listen as Tom and Ryan (alias: Ryan and Tom) dream of the Corman film factory, trade all of their utilities for Park Place, and learn how this film is linked to two Mission Impossible movies. You can't hear a thing through that door, can you?     Episode Time Stamps   0:02:39 - Film Summary   0:21:48 - Film Background    0:41:42 - The Good   0:53:47 - The Bad   1:05:00 - The Ugly   1:15:42 - Improving the Film

Could we have finally come across a movie we actually like? Is it possible there's a Roger Corman film out there that's actually pretty good? Listen in as Tom and Ryan order guava-and-wheat-germ pancakes, develop a Maxwell quote button, share their families' blood soup recipes, and speculate on whether Walter Paisley is actually Dr. Who. Repetition is death, and everything else is graham crackers, man.     Episode Time Stamps   0:04:48 - Film Summary   0:35:30 - Film Background    1:01:15 - The Good   1:19:38 - The Bad   1:32:15 - The Ugly   1:42:32 - Improving the Film   1:47:29 - Email

As we step into a new year of old B-movies, we take an episode to reflect on School of Schlock's 2016. Was Parole Violators the worst film that we watched this year, or did another film take the crown? Who was the worst character? What visual effects left us reeling, and what moment or line in a film left us the most nauseated? Find out in our first annual Schlocky Awards, where we crown the Worst of 2016 before we move forward to start fresh in 2017! Happy New Year!     Episode Time Stamps   0:01:25 - Schlockys Explanation and Film List   0:04:25 - Worst Character    0:31:12 - Worst Moment or Line   0:57:50 - Worst Visual   1:08:23 - Five Worst Films of the Year

It's our holiday episode, so of course that means lots of Santa Claus, lots of singing children, and also lots of scheming Martians! Listen in as Tom and Ryan discuss the relative intelligence of Santa, the relevance of former Nazi scientist Dr. Werner von Braun, and whether or not Santa is a benevolent ruler of his many puppet governments. Put on your robot costumes and polar bear suits, because it's time for Santa Claus Conquers the Martians!     Episode Time Stamps   0:02:30 - Film Summary   0:18:35 - Film Background    0:43:23 - The Good   0:56:25 - The Bad   1:08:33 - The Ugly   1:25:20 - Improving the Film

Once in a while in your B-movie travels, you come across a movie that's so awful in every regard that you wish you could throw its creators in jail. Well the makers of Parole Violators have violated their own movie-making parole by creating an action film so insipid, so utterly terrible, that it might rank with some of the worst movies of all time! Listen to Tom and Ryan as they discuss the suffering that is this film, rant about nepotism, poke holes in rafts, and get offended by bird comparisons. Hey, the film may be cold, but everything else is hot!     Episode Time Stamps     0:03:20 - Film Summary   0:46:20 - Film Background    0:54:02 - The Good   1:05:30 - The Bad   1:21:55 - The Ugly   1:39:15 - Improving the Film

Every hunter will tell you that there is no more vicious or deadly a creature than the tiny shrew. And any sci-fi moviegoer will tell you to stay far, far away from the film The Killer Shrews. But Tom and Ryan aren't known for listening to good advice, so they watch and discuss it anyway! Listen in as they chat about the best dog costumes, the solution to the overpopulation problem, and why a dull, alive woman is preferable to the alternative. Who knows, maybe they'll even bust out a hilarious prank of J. Edgar Hoover!     Episode Time Stamps:     0:02:45 - Film Summary   0:38:00 - Film Background    0:59:05 - The Good   1:10:30 - The Bad   1:24:35 - The Ugly   1:40:15 - Improving the Film

Everyone loves luchador wrestling, and everyone loves movies, so of course everyone should love luchador wrestling movies. Throw some vampires and hieroglyphs into the mix and you've got a recipe for one hell of a match...er, uh, movie! Join Tom, Ryan, and special guest (and wrestling expert) Jess as we answer our Santophones, get karated by a werewolf, and learn the secret to getting moonshot-hot!     Episode Time Stamps:     0:05:00 - Film Summary   0:43:30 - Film Background    0:55:18 - The Good   1:02:49 - The Bad   1:12:36 - The Ugly   1:30:38 - Improving the Film

In the late 70s and early 80s, you couldn't throw a cat without hitting a Jaws horror ripoff. This one takes that time tested monster-in-the-water formula and layers in some Greek mythology, virgin sacrifice, and James Earl Jones. So join Tom and Ryan for our Halloween episode as we discuss Academy Award-winning actors, military juntas, and ravenous sex demons in the 1982 horror flick Blood Tide!   Episode Time Stamps:   0:02:31 - Film Summary   0:32:10 - Film Background    1:01:25 - The Good   1:11:10 - The Bad   1:21:15 - The Ugly   1:39:00 - Improving the Film

"Big Boy" Williams stars in the first B-western that Tom and Ryan have managed to rustle up. Listen in as our brave posse of two talk about horse rescues, poisoned pudding, and offensive caricatures! So open a trap door, knock over a few tables, and settle in for Big Boy Rides Again!   Episode Time Stamps:     0:02:51 - Film Summary   0:29:20 - Film Background    0:52:09 - The Good   1:01:11 - The Bad   1:09:06 - The Ugly   1:21:00 - Improving the Film

A giant white ball! An invisible man! A whole lot of people talking for a very long time! Tom and Ryan are here to tell you about it all, and they even find time to fit in discussions about murder-by-shot-put, drugged-out scientists, and atom-bomb-related conservational faux pas. Put down your telescopes and your chess games and come give a listen to The Cosmic Man!     Episode Time Stamps:     0:02:40 - Film Summary   0:34:44 - Film Background     0:51:30 - The Good   1:03:20 - The Bad   1:14:10 - The Ugly   1:36:31 - Improving the Film

What do you do when a giant, awful puppet is terrorizing the skies? Turn to the scientific experts, Tom and Ryan, who can give you all the information you need about French-Canadian folklore, anti-matter screens, smaller-than-normal atoms, and flirting using baseball analogies. Keep your shirt on and follow these instructions to the letter, and you'll be able to defeat The Giant Claw!     Episode Time Stamps:   0:03:03 - Film Summary   0:32:47 - Film Background   0:54:40 - The Good   1:02:35 - The Bad & The Ugly   1:21:55 - Improving the Film

It is with greatest pride and deepest pleasure that we welcome you to The Intruder, featuring everything you would expect in a good mystery: a boat, an ape, and skeletons! Listen in as Tom and Ryan solve a murder, chastise a detective, speak fluent French, and determine which character in the film should have their own HGTV show.   Episode Time Stamps:   0:03:16 - Film Summary   0:29:14 - Film Background   0:46:05 - The Good   0:52:14 - The Bad   1:02:45 - The Ugly   1:17:46 - Improving the Film

This film is more fun than a pack of wild skulls! This week Tom and Ryan talk about decorative ponds, bad paintings, creepy folktales, and...oh yeah, a greedy husband's nefarious murder plot and the heroic skeleton ghost that stops it from happening! At least, I think that's the plot of The Screaming Skull.   (WARNING: THIS EPISODE MAY KILL YOU!)     Episode Time Stamps: 0:02:22 - Film Summary 0:25:13 - Film Background 0:45:15 - The Good 0:54:40 - The Bad 1:06:46 - The Ugly 1:16:42 - Improving the Film