Healthy Family Connections

In this episode Neil answers a question from a mother who has a 13-year-old daughter who refuses to go to counseling and won’t talk if made to go. Mother is trying to do the right thing for her daughter, but her daughter simply won’t cooperate. After attempts with several therapists, Mom feels frustrated and helpless. Neil helps Mom see that her daughter’s refusal to cooperate with therapy, is like other behaviors where Mom is trying to get her daughter to do or stop doing a behavior, and the daughter resists. Neil Speaks to how solutions become problems and how the Parent-Teen Control Battle is now the problem. Neil gives Mom some guidelines for ending the Battle and explains why parental involvement in the counseling with teenagers is vital to healthy outcomes. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil answers a question from a mother who has a 13-year-old daughter who refuses to go to counseling and won’t talk if made to go. Mother is trying to do the right thing for her daughter, but her daughter simply won’t cooperate. After attempts with several therapists, Mom feels frustrated and helpless. Neil helps Mom see that her daughter’s refusal to cooperate with therapy, is like other behaviors where Mom is trying to get her daughter to do or stop doing a behavior, and the daughter resists. Neil Speaks to how solutions become problems and how the Parent-Teen Control Battle is now the problem. Neil gives Mom some guidelines for ending the Battle and explains why parental involvement in the counseling with teenagers is vital to healthy outcomes. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil discusses the challenges young adults face in today’s world with international psychologist and placement specialist, Dr. Mark Burdick. The challenges young adults are facing today are more pronounced than ever. Neil and Mark discuss these challenges, some tips for successfully preparing youth for young adulthood and the opportunities that wilderness and residential treatment programs offer “at risk” young adults today. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil answers a question from a mother who has a 16-year-old son with anxiety and depression. She is at her wits end because he won’t use the skills that the professionals have given him and he uses his condition as an excuse to miss school. The doctor said there’s nothing he can do if her son won’t help himself. Neil explains that anxiety and depression are like many other conditions that children and teens have that ultimately require kids to take charge of. Neil helps this mother see the difference between giving up on her son, and giving up on trying to get him to manage his responsibilities. He gives her a Control Battle ending strategy and speaks to treatment alternatives when outpatient treatment isn’t enough. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil answers a question from a mother who sees her husband and their 9 year-old son building a power struggle over homework. Mom explains that Dad is a high achiever and very studious and wants to pass that on to his son. Neil helps Mom understand what might be driving her husband’s approach and offers a way to clarify their goals and values and even help Dad feel better about himself as well. Neil challenges the value of homework overall and stresses the importance of not allowing it to turn kids off to school. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil answers a question from a mother whose has a young adult living at home who is violent if she sets limits. Neil speaks to the importance of involving both the law enforcement and mental health communities to insure safety and treatment. Neil emphasizes that treatment will need to include changing the dynamic at home or any treatment that this special needs young adult receives will not be sustained or lead to real progress. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil answers a question from a mother whose teen daughter doesn’t want to go back and forth to between Mom and Dad and just wants to live at Mom’s. Dad wants Mom to give her consequences and make her go. Neil offers perspective on divorce, shared custody with teens, and how to put the emphasis on communication and connection. Neil asks Mom to step up and lead in the area of emotional communication and take the pressure off herself to do Dad’s bidding. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil offers a cultural perspective for Anti-Bullying Month. He speaks to the many faces of bullying and he uses an example of a youth who withdrew from middle school to avoid a bullying culture to demonstrate how important cultural change is to end bullying. Neil explains how the current political climate is making the whole country feel unsafe and praises individual acts of courage that take on bullying. Neil challenges listeners to see where they can act to challenge a bullying culture. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a Mom whose gifted talented daughter signs up for everything and stresses herself and everyone else out. Neil looks at the different causes of youth over-commitment and stress and helps this Mom find the right parenting approach to change the family dynamic. Neil address when individual therapy is a good choice for this this teenager and when it is a bad choice. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a Mom who’s son was arrested for stealing pot. Mom was shocked because, while her older son was very challenging, this came out of the blue. Neil takes a deeper look at the dynamics that led to this including the Control Battle with the older brother and the impact it had on the whole family. Neil explains the impact of peer pressure and neuro-development on teen behavior, the risks of mediocrity, the opportunity offered by a crisis, and how individual therapy with teenagers too often colludes with the problem. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a Mom wanting to know if giving allowance to her 12 and 14 year olds should be tied to whether or not they do their chores. She’s heard that they shouldn’t be tied together, but is concerned that offering allowance when her kids are not being responsible or respectful is sending a wrong message and it makes her feel taken advantage of. Neil takes a higher-level look at kids participating in home responsibilities and having their own money, and offers this Mom a path forward. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a Mom who is supporting her daughter with Anxiety Disorder financially and emotionally. Mom is wondering how best to help her develop her independence and if it makes sense of her daughter to come home, push reset, and start over again. Neil shows Mom how to take herself out of the helper position and how doing less will actually be doing more to help. Neil challenges parents and therapists to pay attention to the parent / young-adult relationship as a place that must be addressed for any therapy to be successful. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a Dad who has a well functioning 15 year old son, but goes into a rage when his parents say “NO”. Dad and Mom have been following “good parenting” models and avoided getting angry. Now they can’t establish effective limits. Neil explains the difference between destructive parental anger and healthy parental anger. He explains the potential negative consequences of this going on any farther and offers this Dad, a script to get his son on a healthy developmental path forward. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

: In this episode Neil responds to a Mom who was involved in threats and counter threats with her 16 year old daughter. Now her daughter is out of the house and Mom is needing help knowing how to move forward. Neil explains how law enforcement can support parental authority and the difference between youth who act out with emotional issues and youth who have not yet internalized a value system. He offers this mother a strategy for ending the Control Battle, and getting her family the right kind of therapy. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a man who’s wondering if the advice to validate your partner, applies if your partner is disordered and highly unreasonable. Neil explains that validation is not agreeing and explains and demonstrates how validation and limit setting go together and how to do both the right way. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil answers a question from Mary who’s husband makes special deals with the kids and tells them not to tell their mother. She’s extremely frustrated and wondering if she should end the marriage. Neil speaks to circumstances that would warrant ending a marriage, but challenges Mary to bring her best self to her marriage as well as the counseling she’s frustrated with. It’s only when we aren’t participating in the problem, that we’ll know if things can get better or if we need to “pull the plug.” Neil offers Mary a plan to bring to her next counseling appointment. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil answers a question from a Mom who can’t get the phone away from her 14 year old daughter. Mom is wondering how families are managing life with cell phones. Neil offers essential wisdom for teens and cell phone use, and shows this Mom that her daughter is struggling with loneliness and feeling disconnected in her family and gives Mom some powerful tools to turn things around. Neil invites listeners to look for the hidden message behind negative behaviors and address the problem rather than punish the behavior. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil answers a question from a therapist wanting to know the formula for raising confident, resilient kids. The therapist offers her list of 10 parenting strategies and Neil offers one more that he feels is critical. Neil speaks to the inhumane treatment and child abuse of minors at the hand of the US government and how profoundly destructive parental separation and neglect is to their development and challenges listeners to work to make the world a better place for ALL children to grow up with self-confidence and resilience. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a Mom who wants to know how to talk with her 9-yr-old son when he absolutely refuses to go with the family on a scheduled event. The family has been struggling with his violent behavior and she reports he is extremely strong willed and has too much power in the family. Neil demonstrates a way to respond to refusal while staying aligned with a child’s goals. He also helps Mom have a better way to think about the problem and offers some resources for her son in addition to the family therapy they are receiving. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit

In this episode Neil responds to a man who wants to know how to deal with his wife’s constant criticisms. He is afraid the tension is heading them for divorce. Neil explains how defending against criticisms or requests is similar to fighting over the right of way with cars. When someone is in the intersection, they have the right-of-way and if we fight it, it will cause an accident; it’s the same with relationships. When someone brings something up, we need to help them through the intersection and that means helping them feel heard and supported. Neil helps this gentleman see how his way of thinking is taking him in the wrong direction and Neil gives him a healthy path forward. Have a question for Neil? Submit it now for discussion on a future episode of The Healthy Family Connections Podcast: http://neildbrown.com/submit