Miserable Retail Slave

Not stressing the important stuff/ Taco Bell Sushi/ standing in line/ Tommy shops for volleyball shorts/ Big Jim Day/ Haystacks/ Dennis’s Dog/ Tommy eats 50 lbs of pizza/ Wii Fat/ It’s Election Night!/ Voting/ Third Parties/ Everyone’s a POS/ Wolf Blitzer/ Breaking News: i don’t know/ Getting an awesome vice president/ Black Belt Jones/ The Power Team/ Seeing three Jake “the Snake” Roberts/ Biggest Wrestlers/ A Real Life Troll/ Does the president get drug tested?/ Rebooting Rambo/ Freddy vs. Rambo/ Too Young to Die/ A professional wrestling transition/ Joe Rogan “Triggered”/ Real Time Election Results/ “You gotta keep me endeared”/ Missed Connections/ Whackadoodles/ Don’t kiss those treacherous lips/ Walking off with a cliffhanger/ The Missed Connections Ann Landers/ An infinite number of Caidens/ The Rub Call The Miserable Hotline!!! (810) 328-3826 Follow us on Instagram: @miserableretailslavepodcast Follow Randy on Twitter: @mretailslave Follow Tommy on Twitter: @TomEComedy Intro: “Hard Times” by Dan “D-Bo

Tommy overanalyzes everything/ They call me Gameboi/ Disclaimer/ A New Era of Positivity/ Famous Amos Moral Tales/ Mike Degrease Tyson/ Another horrible impression from Tommy/ The Power of Chuck/ Seeking Action Figure Status/ Beware the Freckled Children/ A frightening fact/ Rotting potatoes/ Hometowns/ Buying ice is a scam/ Black Eyes/ Fetus Sister/ Glen The Ice Man/ Future Mayors of America/ Boots/ Uh-Huh/ Being a fan of Pras in The Fugees/ Tommy gives up/ Rhode Island, home of the feral clowns/ wearing glasses for facial expressions/ Tommy’s small eyes/ Tommy’s smart phone addiction/ Country Music Name Game/ Cosmic Hallelujah/ Tommy’s stance on country music/ A Nancy Sinatra/ Cher likes bottled water   Call The Miserable Hotline!!! (810) 328-3826 Follow us on Instagram: @miserableretailslavepodcast Follow Randy on Twitter: @mretailslave Follow Tommy on Twitter: @TomEComedy Intro: “Hard Times” by Dan “D-Boy” Amboy Check out his music: https://soundcloud.com/dan-amboy   (Episode 138)    

Spooktacular/ Tommy is offended by swears/ John Denver hair/ 1930s face/ Making a Tommy voodoo doll/ Tommy eats like a housewife/ “You’re a bad song”/ These car accidents/ The Resurrection of Jake “The Snake” Roberts/ The Walking Dead deaths/ You have feelings when you quit drinking/ What’s your favorite candy?/ Tommy knows his ‘80s fat kid trivia/ Wal-Martians/ Chip Fingers/ Distance and Time/ Postal Service Dating/ The Miserable Hotline/ Miserable Retail Slave, Jr./ Tommy is not a lumberjack/ Jesus wore carpenter jeans/ You best rectify your mistakes/ Tommy has one hour a week to himself   Call The Miserable Hotline!!! (810) 328-3826 Follow us on Instagram: @miserableretailslavepodcast Follow Randy on Twitter: @mretailslave Follow Tommy on Twitter: @TomEComedy Intro: “Hard Times” by Dan “D-Boy” Amboy Check out his music: https://soundcloud.com/dan-amboy   (Episode 137)

Impromptu Guests, TRB (@The_Retail_Rant), Seattle Amanda (@mandasaurus_rex), and Penrose (@PenroseEames)   The Binge Drinking Diaries/ Remixing Tommy/ Meat Flasks/ Coughs/ Googling JTT/ Al from Home Improvement/ Under the Weather/ Tommy plays with his rubber ducky/ Swallowing books/ The Drunk Crown/ The Date/ The Not-So-Distinguished List/ Rubies/ Randy is not Ranty/ Getting a haircut/ Over attentive waitresses/ The ol’ Time Thing/ Digital Adrenaline/ Tommy gets heated/ That Flight or Fight Instinct/ Randy is the Coyote chasing The Road Runner/ Ranty’s first date with Mrs. Ranty/ Hey, Girl. Hey. I’m Movin’ IN/ Ranty sees Dave Landau in the middle of a hurricane/ Ranty’s Relationship Advice/ Tommy gets heated again/ Tommy gets heated for a 3rd time/ Long Distance Relationship tales/ Recognize the bass that swallows all the minnows/ Mr. Penrose joins the show/ Twitter is word vomit/ Mrs Penrose gives advice/ Eating Taco Bell/ Some d in the glass jar/ You will not my Sketchers/ Shootin’ Your Shot/ Eating White C

BOO! A Madea Halloween/ Packs of Feral Clowns/ What’s scarier, Madea or Clowns?/ These nightmare clowns/ Being a Prophecy Man/ Stoop City, USA/ Sounding like a Bob Dylan Man/ A Real Life Magic Eye/ Farsighted hot vs. nearsighted hot/ Randy is a Human Trash Heap/ Rebel Flags/ The problem with that Dukes of Hazzard car/ Fatty, Fatty, 2 x 4/ Tommy’s horrible Don Knotts impression/ Andy/ Fonzie’s Illegitimate Children/ Those times when the retail worker is the worst/ Combo Burrito/ Nowhere fun/ The Miserable Hotline: Crazy Rituals with your Friends/ The Saga of Red ends, but a new Saga begins/ Sowing your digital seed/ The Universe, Here It Comes/ Now It’s Getting Real/ A No Woman Man/ Randy needs a haircut/ Tommy’s never kissed a girl/ PDA/ I am the cream/ The Hottest Sugarbabies in all the land/ Half Choking on Stupidity/ Glazed Donuts and Cannibal Corpse/ The Big Difference     Call The Miserable Hotline!!! (810) 328-3826 Follow us on Instagram: @miserableretailslavepodcast Follow Randy on Twitter: @mretailsla

Swans/ Debates/ Backyard weddings/ Extended family terminology/ For Your Convenience/ “if we could create the estimated death”/ Hand sanitizer/ Meaty Lips/ Topless coffee shops/ Randy is a villain?/ Tommy aged 8 years in 1 week/ sweat suits/ Cigarettes/ Joe Camel/ Indecisive reversers/ Being tired of people who think they can say what they want/ Trips to the bank/ Allowances/ Bank tellers/ Big Pockets Thompson/ Tommy’s taking a trip to the lumberyard/ Tommy has anxiety over household chores/ Nervous Tommy/ This lumber life/ The Saga of Red continues/ Inspiring podcasts/ She Gone/ Randy’s last words/ An Adult Choose Your Own Adventure/ Tommy’s short haircut/ Randy’s Career Fair/ My Pal, Pig Pen/ Crazy Rituals/ Yahoo Answers/ husband bunking/ Bad influences/ Tommy’s a fan of Aaron Neville Call The Miserable Hotline!!! (810) 328-3826 Follow us on Instagram: @miserableretailslavepodcast Follow Randy on Twitter: @mretailslave Follow Tommy on Twitter: @TomEComedy Intro: “Hard Times” by Dan “D-Boy” Amboy Check out h

Meeting Crazy People/ Tommy’s Homeless Ex-Girlfriend/ Developing a personality/ Tommy’s gumline/ Having desk jobs/ Wearing a Big Cardboard Gerber Baby Face/ The Convenience Nurse is on Tinder/ Taking awful pictures/ The Good Swipe/ Tommy has a meme-able face/ Tinder and Spotify partnership/ ’90s Fart Rock/ Picking your Tinder song/ Randy’s Career Fair/ Becoming a Professional Line Stander/ The Saga of Red continues/ Spreading the gospel of #WaitItOut/ One Constant Dot Dot Dot/ The Stupidest Question/ Small Talk With My Boyfriend/ The Perfect Hipster Scenario/ Sex Mad Tortoise Saves His Species From Extinction/ Diego, the sexual hurricane tortoise/ Tommy’s new segment/ Terror Tommy’s Super Supernatural Terrible Terror Tales: the Ghost of Minnie Quay/ Spirits travel faster in water/ Tommy becomes a part of the story/ UF-Uh-Ohs/ herds of pervs and gangs of nerds/ Missed Connections/ sexuality is weird/ Oddest Town Names in America/ The Miserable Hotline/ No Duncan Shiek   Call The Miserable Hotline!!! (810) 328-

Drinking on a weekday/Pangea of the Mind/ Dad Speak/ Rebooting my life/ Shared Bathroom Etiquette/ Tommy’s not quick/ A Forrest Gump of the Highest Order/ Drinking up the awkward/ People have no clue/ Tommy Goes West/ The Roast of Rob Lowe/ Fish Necks/ Unseen Dangers/ One Direction is inside Tommy/ “My seaweed is my spinach”/ Fears/ Those space sharks/ Aquaman’s Prune Face/ Randy is attacked by a foreign exchange student/ Fish with human teeth/ Super HAB crocodiles/ The Saga of Red/ Tommy’s theme song/ Tommy, the advice guru/ #WaitItOut/ Taking it to Level 2-2/ The laziest motivational speaker in the world/ The Red Scare/ Little Spidey/ Gavin Rossdale gossip/ Calls from The Miserable Hotline/The Elvis Room/ The Cover of the Rolling Stone/ Randy and Tommy get Married   Call The Miserable Hotline!!! (810) 328-3826 Follow us on Instagram: @miserableretailslavepodcast Follow Randy on Twitter: @mretailslave Follow Tommy on Twitter: @TomEComedy Intro: “Hard Times” by Dan “D-Boy” Amboy Check out his music: https://

Mannequin: It’s the Popcorn Trick, in which we review the late ‘80s romantic comedy. Dirty Rotten Scoundrel/ The Epic Life In Paulie Walnuts/ Job Updates/ Reasons to leave retail/ A Life Spent Surrounded by Cargo Shorts and Booze/ The Gumshoe/ Some Secret Prize/ Nine Eleven/ Mannequin/ Crush the World with a Fist of Power/ The Kim Cattrall Cast/ Appealing to the gods/ ‘80s fashion is the worst/ Mannequin vs. Over the Top/ The Musical Montage/ Top 5 Toilet Scenes in Movies/ Who can understand a Benicio del Toro/ Bragging Rights/ Shawshank Redemption plot theory/ Jared Leto’s Joker

The First Person that You Ever Hated/ Forever Optimist/ Constellations on his Face/ Plastic Giraffes/ The Pencil/ Tommy’s feelings journal/ MTV VMAs/ Curved/ Squad Goals/ Language these days/ Tommy’s Sitcom Laugh/ The Haunted Mirror/ Randy’s Career Fair: Snake Milker/ Snake Farm is There/ Do Sharks Have Nipples?/ Shark Teat/ The Tale of Randy’s Week/ The Legend of HAB/ Bars Closing Early/ What happened with the dog pun girl?/ The Saga of Red begins/ All the Stars are Aligning/ Effed by an owl/ Hologram Relationships/ HAB’s Sugar Smacks/ No Crazy Cat Men/ Shootin’ my Shot with Buckshot/ Tommy’s Advice/ DRAMA IN THE BAND/ The Human Smiley Face/ Important job interviews/ Adult Clothes/ Miserable Retail Slave was attacked   Call The Miserable Hotline!!! (810) 328-3826 Follow us on Instagram: @miserableretailslavepodcast Follow Randy on Twitter: @mretailslave Follow Tommy on Twitter: @TomEComedy Intro: “Hard Times” by Dan “D-Boy” Amboy Check out his music: https://soundcloud.com/dan-amboy (Episode 130)

BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA: It’s the Popcorn Trick, in which we review the cult classic. The Full Sheets/ Online dating nonsense/ The Retail Paradise That Gainfully Employees Me/ Sideways glances/ Paul Bunyan’s Applesauce/ An unwanted online dating encounter/ Redbox and Chill/ House Party/ Baby Childs/ The Myth Of the Stork/ Dancing Kids/ Big Trouble in Little China/ John Carpenter/ The Fetching Kim Cattrall/ Jack Burton the hero/ Mortal Kombat and Big Trouble in Little China/ Raiden and Kung Pow Chicken/ Aren’t you going to kiss her?/Big Trouble In Little China soundtrack/ Ghost Ship/ Everybody has a list/ Top 5 family movies that frighten/ Dark Side of the Moon and Wizard of Oz/Judge Droom/ Freddy eats people/ Bragging Rights/People who laugh

WE'RE BACK. DID YOU MISS US?   Getting Older/ 100% genuine toots/ Cropdusting/ Metamucil Retail Slave/ Those side effects/ One Dollar Hot Dog and Bikini night/ Stick Men Tattoos/ Juggalos/ Red Solo Cups/ Walt’s Crawlers/ New logo/ Last place finish/ Randy becomes a GAMER/ Granny Panty Mondays/ Zitface 37/ Sled Dogg/ Tommy is Charlie Atlas/ Making empty promises/ Randy’s Career Fair/ Becoming a professional mourner/ The summer is over!!!/ The Miserable Hotline/ Randy is actually TRB/ Pulling off Joshua/ Online dating nonsense/ An impromptu rap battle/ All my Doctor Dooms are women/ PUNS/ why cats, crazy ladies?/ The Irony of Snake Eyes/ Fat Randy/ Tommy has carried the burden of FAT/ Tommy sees the faults in others/ Inducing sleep comas/ Big news, huge news   Call The Miserable Hotline!!! (810) 328-3826 Follow us on Instagram: @miserableretailslavepodcast Follow Randy on Twitter: @mretailslave Follow Tommy on Twitter: @TomEComedy Intro: “Hard Times” by Dan “D-Boy” Amboy Check out his music: https://soundclo

The Greatest Gift that retail can give/ Cole Slaw/ The next great action hero/ Tommy is Jiminy Cricket/ half pint/ Tommy consumed an alcohol lime/ the Mathiscast/ Retail Rats/ Seal your holes/ Pokemon Go/ Pokematch/ Catching Emojis/ Squirtle/ Dating ET/ Love Travels/ Collarbone slogans/ Tommy is a prized pig/ Zoo Dating/ What animal would you do?/ Online dating updates/ Randy is a prank being played on the world/ Randy’s thick neck/ Michigan hates us/ Rejection By Silence/ Online dating is like wrestling/ The Ways to Message/ Pun Master Supreme/ Randy is PMS/ Great Wolves/ An experiment/ The Darkness/ POETRY CLASS, a world of pretension/ Preemptive strike/ Randy should be the Shining Knight of this story/ Becoming an online dating champion/ Stone Cold Steve Urkel/ A gas station attendant tale/ Randy crushes a dream/ Tommy sells fun/ Music enhances the taste of beer/ Sasquatch’s Bunion/ Blowing privileges   Call The Miserable Hotline!!! (810) 328-3826     Follow us on Instagram: @miserableretailslavepodcast Fo

This week: Perfect little lives/ The coffee cup/ Where’s your chaos, man?/ Tommy is a Gin Blossoms fan/ Senior Quotes/ We all About Those Oats and Hoes/ The adrenaline shakes/ That useless KITT from Knight Rider/ A Go Fund Me account to equip Randy’s car with a flamethrower/ The new Ghostbusters/ Tommy face looks like a pair of wind-up teeth/ No more classics/ Tommy asks a weird question/ They had a weird tone/ Online dating updates/ Hey, Bea Arthur. Hey/ Making a mix-tape/ Joining Farmer’s Only/ Tommy’s milking date/ Adamantium/ Geek moment/ Ego The Living Planet/ Kurt Russell/ Randy would be the most annoying living planet/ When heroes fail you/ Sgt. Slaughter/ Tommy hates wrestling/ Tommy’s cousin works for a Beach Boy/ David the Producer has a suggestion/ #ArmchairProducer/ The Convenience Nurse and her boyfriend, Webby/ The Convenience Nurse has a bad touch/ Feedback from last week’s show/ Tommy refuses to join the Mixed Feelings Mafia/ Mixed Feelings Podcast iTunes Review War update/ America’s Most Want

Mosquito bites/ Killing mosquitos/ The world’s most effective birth control/ The Monster/ Dealing with problem children/ Finding your muse at the bottom of Bud Lite/ The Mystery Suitcase/ Tommy has never mowed a lawn/ The Country Gym/ A bald woman or a woman with a mullet/ Six degrees of idiocy/ Jungle gyms/ Parallel bars/ That time Randy broke his trachea/ A drinking town with a football problem/ girls who want country guys/ The evolution of an idiot/ Talk about fashion/ Randy becomes country/ Tommy’s floating hat/ A tall hat for a husky boy/ Donald Trump/ iTunes Review War continues/ Andrea is a traitor/ Bad podcast/ The Rap Music Name Game/ Trying to get a date using Jason Isbel/ Tommy gets enraged/ Tommy is an insult artist/ Open relationships/ Sit down and try, for once/ Get that cabbage/ The Miserable Hotline/ Pail of Snot/ Avoiding people in the ‘80s/ Telephone phobias/ Bagpipes and people/ To be a fly on the wall of Tommy’s medulla oblongata/ Camping in the same town you live in/ Tommy apologies again

  This week:   Bearding/ The Human Feline/ Spit washing your hair/ “Reviews to Play”/ Is the white flag being raised in the iTunes war with Mixed Feelings Podcast?/ Spunky/ Women are monsters/ Pokémon GO/ Pokémon GO is the scheme of a super villain/ Adult Pokémon/ Ronnie the Mullet/ Slime/ Tommy wants to be Dr Dre/ Tommy was the coolest kid in his neighborhood/ Joey Alabama/ Tommy loves “Straight Out of Compton”/ JR/ Starter jackets/ Grunt like a man/ Bad elbow tattoos/ Compass tattoos/ Offended by a compass/ Ryu noises/ Nice guy loving girls are fables/ Levels/ Wrong Trombone, Tommy/ Tommy is North America/ The Hawk/ Randy takes credit for Tommy’s accomplishments/ Tubes and tentacles/ Some squid mouth/ Regional references/ The Country Music Name Game/ Randy turns into a cricket/ Florida Georgia Line/ A giant mediocre bomb/ Tide Properly, country music star/ Rock on/ The ol’ Dial Pad/ Messages on The Miserable Hotline/ “I’m sorry all the people”/ How phone calls work/ Red Roof Inn stories/ A celebrity encount

Chest workout/ Gum in your hair/ The CURSE/ Respectful and kind?/Tell me more about Ians/ Wrigley/ No Hulk Hogan vs Ultimate Warrior for Randy/ Bazooka Joe/ Squirt device/ Tomm-emojis/ Like riding a bike/ Juliette Miranda and David the Producer from The Unwritable Rant podcast/ THE MISERABLE HOTLINE (810) 328-3826/ iTunes review war with Mixed Feelings podcast/ Your Sketchers are trying to kill you/ Elbows and A-holes/ Switchblade haircuts/ Online dating updates/ Did Ariel ever respond?/Nonstop S-n-Gs/ generic American nicknames/ Randy is a bell jar/ Tommy’s announcement/When you look cool smoking/ “Pretty in good shape”/ Tommy’s still kinda fat/ Randy starts his two month plan/These public restrooms/ Bathroom stall wisdom/ Instant relief/ God’s toilet paper/ Toilet Wallpaper/ Tommy starts to spontaneously bleed/ Women make rainbows/ Feedback about last week’s episode/ Updates on The Convenience Nurse/ Webber/ The Misogynist Maestro/ Piss On It/ Unobtainable goals/ You have a good now/ Gift card, not gas card

A BONUS music show while you wait patiently for a full length, brand new episode. What a treat!   Minority of a Minority/ Top rock songs/ What is blink-182 even doing?/ you’re the priesthood/ Bishop Briggs/Anything with claps/ All the THE bands/ Calling Mr. YouTube/ The Struts/ So overproduced/ The time Randy went to see Al Gore/ I don’t know my phrasing/ Ron Thunderhawk Smith/ Lars beat the Internet/ Presidents of the United States of America/ Mach 5/ Nudes of you/ Jim Breuer   Follow us on Instagram: @miserableretailslavepodcast Follow Randy on Twitter: @mretailslave Follow Tommy on Twitter: @TomEComedy   Intro: “Hard Times” by Dan “D-Boy” Amboy Check out his music: https://soundcloud.com/dan-amboy (Episode 122)

A Secret Mistress/ Jortney/ Mudstreaks/ Tommy’s tombstone inscription/ Waitresses/ Conversations with Sober Tommy/Fruit Beer/ Bud Lite whispers/ A list of Tommy’s problems/ Do d-bags ever get tired of being douchey/ The Douche Program/ Line tattoos/ Crushing protein G’s/ Randy’s hair debacles/ “Don’t bite the fist”/ Saint Tootsie/ A Wolfman Baby/ The Convenience Nurse has a boyfriend/ Shout out to the moon/ ethical boners/ Pear: vegetable or fruit/ Cobweb elbows/ Loyalty Tattoo/ The Meaning of Cobweb Tattoos/ Updates on Ariel and online dating/ Is she an Ariel or an Ursula?/ Delicious B…./ Those bennies/ Raccoon Guy/ Underappreciated orgy guy/ The Bev Hypothesis/ Build an Acme trap/ Don’t have Sebastians/ Xanax Bars/ the Cannabis Cup/ Randy’s prog-rock band, Pipe N Bong/ Liking Phish/ iTunes reviews/ Dexter from Let’s Get Drunk and Talk Comics/ The Namor Podcast/ Aquaman’s wet t-shirt contest/ Skate or die/Tommy downloads the Couch Party app/Tommy yells into his phone/Anti-social media   (Episode 121)   Insta

Randy is discount ramen/ “down to Earth”/ Out of my league/ The Velveeta Mac/ Hunks/ Tommy has a smart phone!/ The Gravy Train/ Tommy talks into his phone/ Jortney/ Nose rings/ The Nose Taint/ Small Town Saturday Night/ Dancing on Ladies Night Out/ Secretly a Dancing Guy/ Randy won High School and Prom/ John Hughes Prom/ Prom Queens Gone Wild/ Tommy Two Shots/ The Death of Randy/ Things that should not be/ Speaking of Dying/ Tommy knows the lyrics to Magic Carpet Ride/ Randy’s Epic Rant/ The Thrilling Memoirs/ Poets/ Shoelaces/ Saving a bag/ Finding Moderation Tommy/ Paranormal Chef/ HAB’s cosplay idea/ Ruining Catwoman/ Sentimental Randy/ One Single Tear/ Documentary Now/ Michelle Pfeiffer/ P*ss On It/ Tommy hates cigarettes/ Smoking/ Canada’s Angriest Son/ Bragging about Memes/ Disclaimer Boy/ Feedback from S04E19/ Budgens/ Wooing women on online dating sites/ The Rug Doctor is Here/ Wonky Eye/ FISHING PUNS/ Let me tap that bass/ Be my shrimp boat captain/“I didn’t have to go fishing, I found my bass”/ Outd