Spoilerpiece Theatre

  What a week it’s been at Spoilerpiece Theatre! The crappy weather here (currently the lead story on several national newscasts) caused several critics’ screening cancellations, so all ya get this week is FIFTY SHADES OF GREY, a movie that isn’t good, but is as good as any movie could be that started as TWILIGHT fan fiction. And besides, there’s plenty to say about it. We get into the nitty gritty of FIFTY SHADES, but not before grousing about Boston’s crappy public transportation. Kris, Evan, and Dave all agree on the movie, by the way — and they agree that the best way to talk about it is ridicule ceaselessly while acknowledging the talent of star Dakota Johnson and director San Taylor-Johnson. There are a million double entendres this week, ladies and gentlemen.

We spend a lot of time this week on JUPITER ASCENDING, and not because it's good. Because - JAYSUS - it's really, really bad. Like, so bad. You think THE MATRIX sequels were bad? YOU AIN'T SEEN NOTHIN' YET. This movie is a cesspool of overused ideas and underbaked plotlines. Gah. Evan and Dave absolutely lose their minds. Dave says "It's so stupid" about a million times. At least Sean Bean survives (holy shit)! And at least Kris makes an attempt at putting the movie in a broader cultural context (in his estimation: the Wachowskis made a Y.A. movie on purpose). Plus, Kris finally pissed Dave off, and not the other way around. Then Kris briefs us on DUKE OF BURGUNDY (which he recommends) and THE SPONGEBOB MOVIE: SPONGE OUT OF WATER (which he reluctantly recommends). Tangents this week include a dip into TITANIC, the new MAGIC MIKE movie, STEP UP, how much arm strength actors have, PLANES, TRAINS, AND AUTOMOBILES,and the phrase "show your ass." It all makes sense in the end. We swear.

As the Beastie Boys said, “Another plane, another train, another bottle in the brain, another girl, another fight, another drive all night.” What does that have to do with Spoilerpiece? IT’S MIDNIGHT, WHO KNOWS, DON’T JUDGE US. What we do know is that we got through 24 inches of snow (that’s twice the length of “Informer,” as far as we know) and convened for a late episode discussing the Mike Binder-directed Kevin Costner vehicle BLACK OR WHITE and J.C. Chandor’s third flick, A MOST VIOLENT YEAR. We also got into tangents about parking, abandoning cars, and Kris had a great story about drunk wasps. Evan didn’t leave his house for two days and there are birds in Dave’s bedroom. It was, as Dave’s college R.A. would have said, a fuggin’ week.

HEY-O! It's an especially dirty episode this week as we tackle movies with explicit sex and plots that make us swear in disbelief. That's right, gang! It's THE BOY NEXT DOOR, the Jennifer Lopez comeback vehicle that, if there's any justice, will soon be playing at midnight shows alongside THE ROOM. Kris and Dave could NOT believe how awful it is - and they highly recommend it. Plus, Evan lays out the coma-filled grief-sex feature SONG ONE, and Kris explains that, in many ways, STILL ALICE and CAKE are the same movie. Plus, we talk about "Law & Order: SVU," and we'd love to know from you what movies we should commentary.

Well, it finally happened. A movie made Evan really, really angry. And the thing that made him angry is a movie he otherwise liked. That's right, gang! It's Michael Mann's BLACKHAT (which Dave didn't know was Michael Mann until five minutes before the screening), and AMERICAN SNIPER. Plus, Kris has the best line of the night in his one-sentence description of Chris Hemsworth's character in "Blackhat." Anyway, there are plentiful tangents, and we also wanted to say thank you for listening! Last week was our most downloaded yet.

We promised it in last week's episode and we didn't deliver, so this week we finally get to the worst movies of 2014. Since we like to save the worst for last, we talk about two new movies we saw first: INHERENT VICE and SELMA. Tangents this week include veganism, pyschadelic drugs, THE BIG LEBOWSKI, and THE LONG GOODBYE among other things. The episode is a little longer than usual, but that's mostly because we were having so much fun talking about farts. That and Evan almost fell asleep editing the episode. We promise it will be shorter next time.

Happy new year, Spoilerpiecers! On this episode we each talk about our 10 favorite movies of 2014. There’s a lot of agreement and lots of disagreement. And then, totally organically, we venture into talk about cocaine, Aviator sunglasses, and Kenny Loggins. (Gotta love the tangents.) We hit upon LOCKE, THE DOUBLE, ENEMY, FRANK, SNOWPIERCER, ONLY LOVERS LEFT ALIVE, BLUE RUIN, COLD IN JULY, JODOROWSKY’S DUNE…just to name nine. There are a bunch more. We'll get to the worst movies of 2014 next time. Sorry for the abrupt ending, but these things happen around the holidays.

Merry Christmas! Happy (belated) Hanukkah! And, DUDE: Dave goes OFF on an epic anti-musical rant before we even get to INTO THE WOODS. Plus, Kris takes ANNIE apart, and EVAN was pulled in two directions by UNBROKEN. We make some Marky Mark jokes, and the ending is a little looser than normal, but that's because we all wanted to get home for tha holidays. Hope you got everything you wanted this year, from world peace to THE INTERVIEW On Demand!

Because we've never seen anything like this in our lives - "unprecedented," as Kris says - we thought we'd talk about "The Interview" and its cancelled release, and what the implications are for the film industry, and, at the risk of sounding hoity-toity, life in general. Plus, we all weigh in on the awfulness of the final chapter of Peter Jackson's bloated Hobbit crapfest. There are lots of tangents, too, as Kris reveals his appreciation for "This is the End," a movie Dave can't imagine anyone would ever like, and Evan clues us in as to why he pronounces Smaug the Dragon's name the way he does.

Sadly, Dave is away this week, which means we had to record at Evan's and he had to edit, so hopefully we sound okay. And if we don't, too bad! Anyway, Dede Crimmins joins us again as we talk about Chris Rock's TOP FIVE and RIDLEY SCOTT's EXODUS: GODS AND KINGS. We also talk about Cards Against Humanity's Ten Days or Whatever of Kwanzaa, our top five rappers, JCVD's poetic turns of phrase, and films we watched at home before voting on our awards for BOFCA.

Hi, everyone! Hope you had a great Thanksgiving and avoided getting an elbow in the face while you shopped Friday. We're talking about THE BABADOOK, an excellent psychological horror movie by Jennifer Kent, and UNDER THE SKIN, the Scarlett Johansson alien movie, just because we can. And this week on the show, Evan is Morley Safer and Dave is Ed Bradley. Kris didn't pick a "60 Minutes" correspondent, so let's just say he was Harry Reasoner.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! Enjoy stuffing yourself with turkey, and if you go to the movies, popcorn and candy. This week we take on the horrid "Horrible Bosses 2," "The Homesman," which has many layers and complicated characters, and the funny if silly "Penguins of Madagascar." Dave hates on Charlie Day; Evan disagrees with the other guys on some stuff; and Kris tells a joke he wrote when he was 13.

Can you say marketing ploy? That's right! It's our yap-fest about THE HUNGER GAMES: MOCKINGJAY PART 1, a movie we can't stop discussing even though we try to many times. Then we talk about CALVARY and wonder why Brendan Gleeson isn't a star. But perhaps most strangely, Evan lets Dave stroll through his Tinder account while Kris seems aghast.

Whoa! All three of us saw the same movies this week! Kris talks about interviewing Maziar Bahari, whose story is dramatized in "Rosewater." Evan and Dave are sure that most people who see "Dumb and Dumber To" won't realize "To" is misspelled. And then we all tear "Dumb and Dumber To" a new one.

We cover a lot of ground this week. Christopher Nolan’s INTERSTELLAR! BIG HERO 6! And Evan brings up that last week we forgot to talk about GHOULIES (which screened at the Halloween horror overnighter that our guest Deirdre Crimmins and Dave talked about). Plus, we talk about Robert Zemeckis and his crappy motion capture movies; Eddie Money songs; Evan cracks himself up; Kris mentions that he does research; and Dave tries to remember the theme song to the Saturday morning cartoon “Droids.”

Evan couldn't make the recording so Kris and Dave are joined by friend and fellow critic Deirdre Crimmins (check out her work on allthingshorror.com!). This week we yap a ton about horror movies (because this episode premieres on Halloween), and we also get into the excellent Jake Gyllenhaal flick NIGHTCRAWLER and Alexandre Aja's HORNS. The horror movies we touch on include FRANKENSTEIN (1931), THE LOST BOYS, EVIL DEAD II, EATEN ALIVE, and THE INCREDIBLE MELTING MAN, which is easily one of the worst movies to ever grace the silver screen.

We've said this before, but holy crap: Talk about Tangentpiece Theatre. While talking about Keanu Reeves and the serious ass kickings he doles out in JOHN WICK, Michael Keaton's return in BIRDMAN as a leading man, and the very French THE BLUE ROOM, we take left turns into why trailers suck, the French as a people, the Byronic hero, and lots of other stuff. Plus, Dave sings "Two Heads Are Better Than One" for a half-chorus (it's Evan's fault), and Kris explains how John Wick (the character) comes to violence (short version: The bad guys came at him on the WRONG day).

This week we talk Bill Murray in ST. VINCENT and the wonderful feel-good film PRIDE. And of course, we break off into tangents - for example, the age-old question of how one separates an artist from his art. Plus, Evan reveals his love of ranch flavoring and our good friend and colleague Andy Crump fills in for a vacationing Kris.

It's time to talk Robert Downey Jr., Robert Duvall and "The Judge," and so much of the movie works but even more of it doesn't. How many subplots can one film have? Well, how often can we break off into tangents (covering Van Halen, David Fincher's body of work, the pros of having Evan AND Kris on this week's episode) when discussing "Gone Girl"? HOW MANY, WE ASK YOU? And somehow "Annabelle" snuck in for a moment this week, but that's what evil dolls do.

Evan is back and we're thrilled, but this week Kris couldn't make it to the studio. ("The Studio" is Dave's living room, btw.) But it's October and that means IT'S TIME FOR HORROR! Lucky us, there's ANNABELLE to yap about, and Dave makes no bones about some of the movie's dumb tricks and dumber plot points. Plus, Evan and Dave have a quick chat about THE TRIP TO ITALY, the Steve Coogan/Rob Brydon flick (and the sequel to THE TRIP). And who is that at the start of the episode? Is that Dr. Emmett Brown? Why, yes! We think it is!