Regular Features

Nadolig Llawen, Nollaig Shona Daoibh, Happy Christmas, Hanukkah and Kwanza to all of our beloved multi-faith and faithless reads. In this rare FOUR BOY EPISODE, Joe is visited by a very shy old acquaintance with a guitar. Steve learns the horrible truth about what's up with all the bees. And Log successfully hosts an entire Punch and Judy show while also having an on-air mental breakdown. We'll be back next week for the last episode of 2020. Love ya!

In this ALMOST LIVE episode, Log invites you to explore the soundscape of a reader's body, Steve's been on the hunt for his local missing dogs, and Gavin libels Colonel Sanders, then goes after Aunt Bessie for good measure.

Giddy up, ladies. Log is open for business, with an entire bazaar's worth of Regular Features purchasables just for the readers. Joe investigates the origin of that big old pepperoni pizza in the music video for Eamon's 2004 hit, Eff It (I Don't Want You Back). Steve stares on, a hunger in his eyes and a sorrow in his heart.

Gav takes matters into his own hands to catch a local parcel thief. Steve invites you into the vice-addled underworld of investment banking. And Log reports live from a tide of puppies. NOTES: Steve incorrectly states that Lena Dunham wrote Industry. While Dunham directed the first episode, the show is in fact created by Mickey Down and Konrad Kay. How embarrassing for Steve.

Joe sets out to change a few laws with some harmless presidential bullying. Log writes his own episode of Star Trek in an attempt to derive something of worth from the wasted hours spent hate-watching the newest one. And Steve, god bless him, tries his best to simply stay out of their way. Let's go!

Joe screams and howls until flying kicks are reinstated in society. Steve brings you a hands-on preview of the new PlayStation. And Log embarks on an journey right up Joe's, well, umm, how else can we put this, penois. Well, let's not waste any more time. The quicker we start the quicker we're done and we can all get back into bed.

This episode entitles you to one free yacht, redeemable at your nearest marina. Log will tell you everything you need to know to get the most out of your new boat. Then Joe will unravel his own misapprehensions about what a bird is descended from. Then we'll break for lunch, have a think about what we've all done, and come back for more juice. Love you!

Do you ever get that thing where you're just about to fall asleep and you suddenly feel yourself falling and you jerk yourself awake again? That's us, giving you a little goodnight kiss. Sorry, we just can't help ourselves! In this episode, Log dreams up an entire Steve feature. Steve is sick and tired of Specsavers sending him letters about his untested eyeballs. And Gav is a reassuring presence keeping everything from falling to pieces.

Hey, it's me, the Regular Features Podcast. Let me open up way wide for you. Excuse me. Wow, what have we got here?! Gav has rented a Morgan Freeman voice. Joe has got the Alienest alien show of London. And Steve refuses to put his clock back, like a real time criminal. Hope you like our voices because that's all this is, baby.

We're back to basics, stripped down, nude and unplugged. Log takes us to a haunted manor. Steve searches the cosmos for treasures untold, and Gav spends the night in a spooky, nay-spook-tastic, cottage. That's right, it's Regular Features doing what it does best: premature, mid-October ghost whimsy. Enjoy!

Let us whet your ears with our special ear-whetting words. Are they whet yet? Then let's begin, baby. In this episode, Steve is chased around his place of work by a mean wizard. Joe invites us on a squash flavoured adventure of pickleball proportions. And Log reports back from yet another informative and helpful pubwatch session that's not an absolute waste of his time.

In this episode of the Regular Features podcast, Joe investigates Akon's ambitious city building side gig, Steve waxes poetic about Trump's havin' honked up a hot guff of rona, and Gav uncovers the hidden meaning behind the song titles of some of your most revered rap megastars. I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't seen it with my own two eyes.

Steve ranks a box of eggs. Joe got a big damn stink following him around. Gav has become infatuated with the rain. You can't say fairer than that, can you? If you can, if you're able to say fairer than that, please write to us and let us know how you did it, because we're stumped.

Grab the heaviest spoon in the kitchen and tuck into this week's big bowlful of ice cold Regular Features, fortified with so much vitamin BEE it will make your freakin' head spin off into a bin and the bin man come and he take it away. Wow! In this episode, Gav challenges you to name the cereal in his mouth, Steve has been forging documents, and a-Log-forever-on-the-backfoot scrambles to implement yet more last-minute government-mandated pandemic accommodations to his confused pub. PODCAST NOTES: The following illegal Nottingham pubs are not adhering to Public Health England's COVID-19 social distancing measures and should be reported to the police: The Crown and Two More Crowns — 35 Marrow Lane Juicy Susan's Inoteca — Unit H, Sneinton Business Park Crazy Brian's Electric Pub — 9b Forthwith Ave The King Walliams — Corner of 55th and Madison Brewdog Nottingham — 20-22 Broad St

In this episode? Joe's got saturated eggs from Morrisons. Steve confers the insatiable libido of Mister Game & Watch. And friend of the podcast Zim has an update on the status of his biggest boys.

In this episode, Log lines up his successor, Steve is confounded by the sheer number and variety of new Xboxes, and Gav presses the big red abort button on a feature too hot for even his tastes.

Open your hearts and close your eyes, fill your boots and empty your pockets, it's another episode of the Regular Features podcast. In this one, Joe's been eating in a dark room, Steve's been investigating his dentist's personal habits, and Log's courted sponsors of the dairy variety. My pasta is boiling over so I must stop writing this description x

Hey Google spiders, wrap your little legs around this bad boy. Steve lays out the steps required to properly disinfect a desk. HOW HIEGHT IS A TOM CRUISE. Gav's been off to see Tenet. BERNIE SANDERS NUDES PICS THANKS. And Log has had a visit from a detective horse who investigates cryptic murders. VIDEO OF CAT. Alright, we're done here. Wrap it up and let's go.

Every time I upload these episodes it asks me to select a genre, and so I scroll down to the "comedy" tag and select it with all the unearned confidence of a Jimmy Carr type person, boldly declaring that what we do is so categorically hilarious that an entire Amazon Web Services database needs to know about it. I am disgusting. Hello. In this episode, Gav is haunted by real sausages, real mash. Steve encounters a weirdo tutorial in Microsoft Flight Simulator. And Log is here too, an undercurrent of delight in a riptide of shite.

Look, can we just get past the fact that Log recorded the first two-thirds of this podcast underwater? It's really distracting from the fact that Steve learned loads about a Georgian gardener so that he could be really Irish again. And what about poor Joe? Joe read out an entire email, start to finish! Can he get some applause? No, because Log went underwater, then met a famous person who made him talk about men drinking pant-water. Typical.