Dealing With My Grief

When people talk about the "new normal"during the grieving process, they talk about the the person that you become after the loss of someone special in your life. But it this "new" you really ever going to be normal? This episode is inspired by Dave Jackson of the "School of Podcasting." Dave's podcast helped me get my podcaast. One of the segment of his show is called 'Because of my Podcast', where different podcast producers share stories of how podcasting has changed their lives. This week, Dave featured my podcast on his show. Here is a link to his blog post discussing my show. During an email conversation with Dave, he discusses getting to the "new normal" in his life. for me, I think the new normal comes in stages:  - The old normal - That which was normal before my grief - The fractured normal - Some of the things in my life remained normal, but they    start  to feel strange . - The new normal - The strange and weirdness are no longer strange and weird Click here to subscribe via iTunes Click here to

As I reflect on Father's day, there are a few things that make me angry about my father's loss: 1. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye. 2. I didn't get a chance to "hang out" at father-son event's during high school 3. My son will never have a relationship with his grandfather 4. I simply didn't have enough time of my own with my father. I'm still trying to deal with these angry feelings i Have, but I haven't really discovered the best way to do so.   Please rate and review in iTunes - Thanks! Contact me using any of following: email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief web - http:// www.dealingwithmygrief.com Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

There was no episode last week. I had an emergency eye procedure that Monday - the regular day I record the show and Tuesday was my son's high school graduation. With family in town and trying to recover health wise. I just couldn't find/make time to record the show. Now on the this week's episode... As mentioned earlier, my son graduated from high school this week and this Sunday is Father's Day (June 19th). I wanted to reflect on how my grief affects my ability to appreciate/celebrate holidays and life's milestones. Please rate and review in iTunes - Thanks! Contact me using any of following: email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief web - http:// www.dealingwithmygrief.com Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)  

How do we interpret things people say while grieving? To grievers, a lot of things that people say to be comforting may not be comforting at all: "I'm sorry for your loss" "Your loved one is in a better place" But as grievers, is there anything that we say, that can seem insensitive? Click here to rate and review in iTunes. Contact me using any of following: email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief web - http:// www.dealingwithmygrief.com Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)      

The only cure for grief is action - George Henry Lewes This is really the third in a series of episodes that discusses this topic. I was just able to find a quote that perfectly sums it up! The other episodes are 15 and 17. I have found that staying busy - being active, is the main way that I keep my grief from totally consuming me. I think I learned this from my mother because she had to get busy right away in making sure that she had a job so she could put food on the table and make sure she could pay the rest of the bills. Please, please,  please rate and review the show in iTunes: they don't make it easy - you have to search for "Dealing With My Grief" in the Podcast app, then click the podcast link at the bottom of the results page - then you'll see the button to rate or review the show. Thanks, I really appreciate it!! Thanks for taking the time to listen. More on George Henry Lewes. Contact me using any of following: email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief

Sorry this episode is a day late, but this virus that has been going around has been kicking my butt... I finally found 25 minutes or so when I wasn't coughing to finish this episode... At some point after your loss, you have to begin to move forward - this means you have to begin to re-establish some routine in your life. That could be going back to school or work, or getting back into the workforce after not working for a very long time. Maybe its getting back into a hobby. What I have learned is that life goes on after loss. I learned this from my mother. She never once wavered from her stance that we would be OK and we would make it through our tragedy. This doesn't mean that we weren't sad or still grieving, it just meant that she had to do what she needed to do to assume becoming the head of the household. You can still grieve, but at some point we must learn how to move forward Contact me using any of following: email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief web -

One of my best friends just lost his wife unexpectedly. I often ask myself what I can do to help those who are grieving. I tend not to to the cliche things such as food and flowers. Sometimes the best thing that I can offer is a listening ear. Contact me using any of following: email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief web - http:// www.dealingwithmygrief.com Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Shortly after my father died, I was introduced to the game of chess. Any one who knows me, knows that I am passionate about this game... but they may not know why. It is through playing chess that I was able to connect with friends of my father and learn more about the man that he was. It also provided me some "me" time away from my friends This brings me some sense of comfort.   Contact me using any of following: email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief web - http:// www.dealingwithmygrief.com Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

After the death on my father, my grandfather would become the central male figure in my life. He would be diagnosed with diabetes and later cancer and I would take great pride in helping to care for him. When it was time for me to head off to college, I would decide to head to the east coast - against my grandfather's wishes. We would have the only argument ever to take place between us and I would wait to late to make amends. Before I could return home to talk to him in person, he would be gone. What did I learn from this experience? Contact me using any of following: email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief web - http:// www.dealingwithmygrief.com Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)    

The week and a half between April 14 - April 25 is a very painful and often stressful time for me: My father's birthday is April 14. He would be 81 this year My father died on April 24. This marks the 38 anniversary of his death. May parents wedding anniversary is April 25. This year marks their 52nd anniversary. In an attempt to keep things from getting totally out of hand, I try to remember some good times with my father... which does bring me some joy and comfort. Link to Hawaii Five-0 original theme song - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AepyGm9Me6w   Contact me using the following: email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.comtwitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgriefweb - http:// www.dealingwithmygrief.comMusic provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)      

John Lennon was shot and killed in 1980, This was the first time I'd heard of the term "gun control." After President Ronald Reagan was shot, it became a nation issue in the United States.Why was gun control not so important when my father was killed?Do people believe that their social standing shield them from grief and tragedy?I don't believe grief considers who you are when it decides to strike. I can be contacted by:    email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com    twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief    web - http:// www.dealingwithmygrief.comMusic provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

The man convicted of murdering my father was the first person to receive the death penalty after Missouri re-instituted capital punishment in 1977. His penalty was later overturned and her received life without the possibility of parole for 50 years.How do my personal feelings and religious beliefs factor into whether or not I think he should be put to death for his crime.I can be contacted by:    email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com    twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief    web - http:// www.dealingwithmygrief.com Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

How are grief and addiction similar... how do they differ? I find that even though each may be caused by some difficult experience that we face in life, at least I have the ability to overcome my addiction. I don't think the same can be said for grief.Psychology Today's definition of addiction - https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/addictionYour are encouraged to leave feedback:    email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com    twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief    web - http:// www.dealingwithmygrief.comMusic provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

My father was my entire world as a child. Wherever he went I wanted to go with him. It seems as if I was always by his side. Once he died, my mother became the central figure in my life and would instill in me core values that I carry with me to this very day. she would sacrifice all that was important to here to make sure I would have everything that I needed, And she'd always make herself available to me no matter what the circumstance.Your are encouraged to leave feedback:    email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com    twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief    web - http:// www.dealingwithmygrief.comMusic provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

I have often wondered what would have happened if my mother and I had stayed at my parents store for an additional 15-20 minutes. Would we all be alive, or would we all have perished that night.It is a question that consumed me for a long time. Eventually, I just had to let it go.Your are encouraged to leave feedback:    email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com    twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief    web - http:// www.dealingwithmygrief.comMusic provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Even though I had an uncle and my grandfather who would become the male role modes in my life after my father passed, I did not ask them to accompany me to any of the father/son events at my high school. My reasoning was simple... they were not my father. Grieving the loss of my father - some 4 years after he died, blinded me from reaching out to the two men that could have helped me the most during arguably the most trying four years of my life. Your are encouraged to leave feedback:    email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com    twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief    web - http:// www.dealingwithmygrief.comMusic provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

When I was younger, if I heard people discuss the loss of a loved one I would always think that the somehow they got more time with them than I got with my father, or at least they had time to "prepare" for the loss of their loved one.I now realize that every loss is significant and hurts regardless of when the person passes or the circumstances of their death.Everyone must learn how to cope with their own grief. Let me know what you think of today's episode:    email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com    twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief    web - http:// www.dealingwithmygrief.comMusic provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Episode 5  - Dealing with Grief TriggersDo grief triggers always have to make me sad?I have several grief triggers:Food - ham and cheese sandwichesTimes of the year - the month of AprilHeirlooms - a thermos and sofaAll of these remind me in one way or another, but do the all still make me sad.While I can avoid eating certain foods, I can't stop April from coming every year, but I can use some things that have been passed down to me to remind me of good times I had with my father. Those items make me feel like my father is still with me, and that gives me strength. Let me know what you think of today's episode:    email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com    twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief    web - http:// www.dealingwithmygrief.comMusic provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

I've been trying to get out of the shadow of my father's legacy. Once I graduated from high school, I decided to go to school out of state to get a fresh start... to be another face in the crowd. After running out of money after my sophomore year, I decided to join the Army. I didn't want to go back home, because my mother had already sacrificed so much for me. I needed to make my own way. The army was perfect because I didn't have to go home a failure after not graduating from college.         Please send me feedback:    email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com    twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief    web - http:// www.dealingwithmygrief.com         Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Is it possible that losing my father was not the worse thing that could have happened to me?Growing up, I had friends whose parents weren't together. Many of them carried the burden of thinking that their parents weren't together because of something that they had done. In other words, it was their fault that their parents weren't together.I had one friend who would wait for his father to come pick him up when it was his father's weekend for custody, and his father inevitably would be a no-show! He would often wonder what he did to cause his father not to want to be with him.While grieving my father's death, I take some comfort in knowing that the reason he isn't present is not by choice, but the actions of the men who took his life. I don't have the emotional scars that my friends have.In some ways I think that would be a lot worse emotionally. This is one of the ways I cope with my grief.          I send me feedback:    email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com    twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief